So yeah, continuing the theme from before I kinda went Breaking Bad mode and lived fast for a while.

But first, the reason I vanished. I’ve got some sort of rare anomaly… or at least it looks like that. Basically, the veins in my head are literally narrowing. I’ve been through 4 checkups already, and it keeps progressing. Pills can help, but the doctors’ prediction is around 15 years or worse.

Or maybe it’s all a mistake, and I’ll be fine. I need more tests and scans. But honestly… I just don’t want to. I’m tired. So I just accepted it. I take the meds, go for checkups every six months, and if it turns out to be a misdiagnosis cool. If not, well… that’s life.

For now, things look more scary than good.

And yeah I went a little wild.

Not in a bad way. I just decided to live “that kind of life” you only see in movies or hear from friends (or enemies, lol).

Like clubs, parties, new faces, a bit of chaos, random people.

Lived like that for about half a month, and yeah… that explains my total inactivity

The insanity I expected? Almost didn’t happen.

Sure, there was some trashy stuff, but nowhere near as wild as I imagined.

It was way more human but honestly, super uncomfortable. That lifestyle’s just not for me.

I met tons of people some were really cool, some were just weird (but harmless, thankfully).

I was careful though.

Had a separate alias so that my “experimental life” wouldn’t mix with my real one, plus a bunch of safety measures.

Everything as safe as it could be.

People offered me drugs I refused.

I’d rather live 15 years than 1 year addicted and dying in withdrawals, lol.

And you know what? I actually saw girls testing their drinks and that made me feel relieved.

Because honestly, places like that can be scary, and it’s nice to see people taking safety seriously.

At first, I felt so out of place.

Then I kind of adapted.

And I realized I can live like that if I choose to.

That fake feeling of being “not enough” the one that came from people who mocked me I closed that chapter.

That gestalt is gone.

I don’t want to live that way forever, but I’m glad I tried.

It was a needed experience. I endured a lot.

I forced myself to go through situations that drained me completely.

I didn’t agree to any real trash (though I saw some around).

And, hand on heart, I didn’t do anything illegal or harmful I even tried to make sure others stayed safe too.

That was the hardest part you can’t not think about what’s going on.

Because I don’t live that kind of life. I just… didn’t know much about that world.

Some things were harsher than I imagined, others were surprisingly chill.

Guess it’s different for everyone but that’s how it was for me.

Now at least I know what’s on the other side and what’s truly mine.

My anxiety got smaller.

My brain stopped focusing on every tiny sound.

When I put on earplugs now, it feels quieter not because my hearing changed, but because my mind isn’t as anxious anymore.

I’m honestly glad I went through it.

I proved to myself that I can live like that if I want.

It’s not that something’s wrong with me I’m not a loser or a hermit.

I just got stuck with a body that doesn’t fit that lifestyle.

I still have some photos and videos, of course nothing extreme, but I’ll never share them. That part of my life belongs only there.

Even my parents don’t know. My friends barely.

I kinda feel like Walter White, not gonna lie

Anyway, I’m back now.

Still keep light contact with a few people from that “phase,” but we’ve talked and, yeah, it’ll probably fade away soon.

They belong to that world, I don’t.

So yeah I spent around 40 000-60 000 rubles in 12 days, lol.

Now I’m slowly coming back to creativity.

Also, this isn't a call to action. It's just my crazy story.

I'll also add that there are two types of people who use drugs: your friend (who really doesn't mean you any harm and is just there to hang out) and the one who gets you hooked by advertising a drug shop and making you addicted.

(By the way, of course, I didn't just get up and spend 15 days carefully thinking about it. No. I thought about it for about two months. I found out. I had some connections.)

Thanks everyone for the support.



(ai translation)