I'm almost afraid of posting something like this, becuz it's so personal and far from the things I normally post about, that I fear being judged, but I'll try my best to ignore that and just go into this fearless.
This year has started rough, and it's continuing to get worst and worst from here.
So, what happened? Well, today I had my Steam get corrupted of some sorts...? It looked pretty weird, alot of stuff missing, and like, I wanted to fix that. I was told to try and re-installing Steam, and it sounds simple enough, right? That's what I thought too, but I wasn't told that I would loose alot of stuff... PERMENANTLY... first, is my artwork folder, it got deleted in the process, which means that 90% these pieces of my evolution are gone, inrecoverable. Which was already enough to fuck me in the head, but then I also lost most of the textures I used to make my re-textures, and I gotta be real with you guys.. I kinda don't enjoy making art with Accurate Textures as much as I love doing art with my re-textures. Those re-textures blended very well with my artstyle and my choice of lighting, and its all gone now. "Couldn't you just get them back tho?" - You might be thinking. No, I can't get them back, becuz those textures we're made by an old friend I cut ties with, I don't wanna go through the pain that would be to ask them the textures again. "Why?" Long story. It's one of those type of people you wan't to forget, but you remind yourself off everyday of them, and what they did, it makes me frustrated. They don't deserve to have me dependent on them, I refuse to bow down to someone who never liked me just becuz I need something from them.
"So what now?" - I honestly don't fucking know. I am pretty over the edge about my life, and each time, a piece of my life that motivates me foward gets cut more and more, and it makes me feel pointless, makes me feel like i'm wasting my time, makes me feel stuck.
It's really unfair, but life is always unfair, but I sadly have a hard time coping about that. And I know many others have an easier time coping with these moments then me, but that shouldn't make my situation any less valid then others.
I'm slowly loosing more and more as time goes by, it's hard to be patient and wait, becuz life is a clock, and if i'm not fast enough it will become waste, and something I never wanna be a part of is a waste of time.
I know alot of people may say i'm saying this for clout, and I understand, but I really am not, I just want to share a piece of my mind with strangers online, becuz IRL I have nothing, I don't have friends, I don't have a voice, I don't have no one to talk to. It's not good, I know it isin't, but I can't fix it, all I have is this.
I also don't even dare to say i'm depressed, don't take this post as me telling you that I have depression, I don't have the right to say something I do not know, I don't deserve to be perceived as such.
"Why don't you look for therapy?" - Becuz I am not allowed. I'll leave it at that, don't wanna get into details.
"Why this all of sudden? Kinda unecessary, don't you think?" - Yes, but like, I want help, and for now, this is all I got. I'm sorry.
"I don't care" - Completely reassonable, but I am not trying to force anyone to care, I just wanna throw my mind out there, and let people know who I am.
"This place is not made for therapy, people will take advantage of this" - Maybe so, but I almost feel safe enough with the few people who would look at this to post something like this.
I hope that I can get to feel better from this, even if nobody ever looks or cares into this giant fucking post.
Stay safe everyone. And i'm sorry for posting this out of nowhere. And I know the writting is very poorly done, I just don't feel like fixing it.