I have a lot of things to address in here, and I'm only doing so only because of said situation worsening. I could just disappear one day, either because of going as far as getting krilled (haha word censorship so funny) or committing slip-and-slide. Or just in general being restricted from any device. That's probably why I'm probably just not a person-of-their-word, so I deeply apologise if I've ever never made any of my promises, whether big or small.

Little basic info just so you, as the reader, has a basis on what this whole peace treaty worth of what I've been through:

-shitty abusive neglectful mom (put up with it for 7 years up until today )
-i'm pansexual and polyamorous, go do your research if needed
-been outed via a 100 paged doc about how basically shitty i am of a person towards my partners and other things as well which isn't necessary for me to get into
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Even as the doc is now in the past and I've been working on whatever I find to better myself, one of the things I need to clarify about my love life specifically; just something I wanted to get off my chest.
I know what I did exactly. I'm a freak of nature; an abomination if you will. I've had encountered myself subconsciously being ungrateful, disloyal and unfaithful to those I've loved. That's probably out of my control as the daily abuse/neglect I endure plays a major factor in how I behave. Regardless of the fact of whether I'm still dating those people or not, I'll never forgive myself for how I was before; both for how awfully I've treated them and for how weird I was. I deeply apologise to those who I have taken advantage of. I hope they've moved on to fulfill their lives with much better things. <3
The whole IRL friend thing has just fallen apart, it's just, bleh. Turns out there was more shit that they're doing, but from now on I just plan to be the alone-but-approachable kind of person. I don't feel the need to have any IRL friends anymore.
Overall, I've just become careless of a lot of things that I really shouldn't overthink about lmao. (not in a manner that makes me look like i haven't taken accountability of anything i did smh)
I just want to move on, so if you like me, great! If you don't, okay then, fine by me. Used to be a big deal for me but now it ain't. I feel better now in regards to that.

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Now the abuse stuff. If you nono wanna (aka don't like this kind of stuff/isn't your concern), click off then, this isn't for you to read. How do I start this off uhh- My mom has a history of invading my privacy, and other shitty things to. Shit like:
-threaten to kill me/asking me to kms
-physically, emotionally and mentally beat me up
-threaten most of the time

-dismisses everything i say, even if it's valid/true
-gaslight and manipulate me
That's only the tip of the iceberg. The main thing is the shit that happened to me today.
(discord; .v_thingzz - nisii ! )

No, I don't have anybody to run to. As much as it's easy to say to call the police, CPS or anything in relation to those, I'm too scared to do so as I have nobody to rely on IRL. No, I can't really run away even if I could, for (again) I have nobody IRL to approach, and I go to a renowned highschool within Australia, so there'd probably be a damn manhunt on me for all I care. I've just accepted that anything can happen to me. I could just be beaten up at any moment, or even commit sewerslide if I even bother. (which at the moment, i don't)
I have no source of safety nor privacy at all, and I really don't think 2 more years of living could help me anymore. 99.5% of my life is basically being controlled. I can't do anything without being questioned nor spied on.
I'm just numb. If I ever do what I planned on doing, then just know that there wasn't really any motive behind it, it was simply me trying to find my inner peace again.
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Not something I would post; I'm aware. Just wanted to put that out there for I could disappear whenever. I don't know what else is there to expect anymore.
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errr yea that's about it!!!! take care now, ty for reading :33