I quit 6th grade sometime around winter break and started homeschooling and it's genuinely ruined me as a person, I cannot sugarcoat it for myself. It was such a vital time for me to have social interaction but I simply just stopped receiving any once I left public school

I quit both because I was a stupid fucking child and I hated school so I'd always beg my mom to take me out of it, and also because my stomach issues were flaring up again at that point Being deprived of social interaction at the age where I was just learning about social cues and shit has actually damaged me far beyond repair and I'm only just realizing that

This isnt something I have a right to complain about and I know that. I asked my mom to take me out and she did, I shouldn't be upset over a decision I made it but I am and I hate myself so much for it

I had people who hung around with me, I had people who would talk to me, I made friends, but I disregarded all of that because I was an idiot. It was literally my dream life, I had people who cared about me. Now I can't even talk to anyone

I have so much social anxiety, and no matter how much better I try to get i always end up fucking it all up. I say the same things over and over again and still expect people to even tolerate me, I cant hold a conversation, I can barely even speak right. Im not even a very approachable person in general, i have never cared about how I look, but if it's impacting my life this much i might start having too

I don't play it up when I say "AGHH I CANT MAKE FRIENDS" or "HOW DO YIU TALK TO PEOPLE" it's impossible to fathom going out of my way to try and be friends with someone

Ive had the mindset that I do not deserve love or validation for a long while now, but it's still something I crave so desperately, I don't want people to be scared of me or think little of me I just want someone who'd love me but I'm too flawed to deserve that. I couldn't mean that much to anyone because im not important

Im not a good person, and I'll never be a good person. In my or in anyone else's eyes the only reason people see me as a good person is because I dont open up to them, if I did they'd be disgusted with me. I'm weird

Im not good at helping people but that's all I want to do. I want my friends to feel better but no matter what I say none of what I do helps, I dont want to come off as a burden or make things worse, but if I stop trying they might think I dont care about them I just want to mean something to someone

The only thing I'm good for is my art and even then I'm still not good at that, there are people better than me so why should I even try. I like drawing, it's fun, it's a good coping mechanism, but my constant need for validation is ruining it for me

I want someone to love and I want someone to love me back as much as I love them, I want someone who I know will listen if I talk to them, I want someone who I know cares about me, but with how fucking sensitive I am that perfect person can't exist. I overthink if someones tone is off with me and I cry if someone yells at me, theres nobody equipped to handle someone who acts the way I do

im sorry these are all I post im trying to get better but im not getting anywhere, dont burden yourself with responding to this if you just dont care, it'll make me feel worse if I know i'm forcing sympathy out of people

I cry every time I make one of these ts pmopmopmo