(This Is Inspired By Shrek: Director's Cut)

Let us go back to the year 2010, shall we?

Remember Despicable Me? That film caused a lot of buzz and I happen to be a big fan of it myself. It recently piqued my curiosity that there was an unreleased Director's Cut of the film, and as soon as I heard about it, I began a search for it. I tried contacting the people who worked on the film, via emails or phone calls, but I never got a response or I only got an answering machine.

My last resort was contacting Pierre Coffin, the person who directed the film. I managed to get on a Skype interview with him, and I asked him general questions like "Where did you get the idea for this film?" and "What did you think of the finished film?" and what not. So when I finally asked him about the purported "Director's Cut", he just fell silent. I could see his face going pale. He proceeded to tell me, "Don't look for it. Just let the memory die." He hung up the call right then, and I just sat at my desk, confused. I went to bed.

The next day, I tried emailing Pierre Coffin about the Director's Cut, in an attempt to find out more. I managed to get a response exactly fourty-five minutes later. The email said: "Just give me your address and I will send it to you... if you're sure you want to see it, then I guess I can't stop you. Beware, for the things you will see will forever stay in your mind for the rest of your life." I was unsure if I really wanted to see the Director's Cut at this point, but hey, morbid curiosity got the best of me. So I sent back another email with my address and a "thank you".

About a week later, I received a package from Pierre Coffin himself. It was the Director's Cut VHS tape... strangely it had the exact same design as the regular Shrek VHS tape. I popped it in my VHS player (Yes, I still have one) and let it play.

Oh how I wish I could take that back.

Well, the intro of the film was different. You know, where the Despicable Me logo appears? Well, the shot just... stays there. It just froze on the logo. It didn't move at all. You couldn't even hear any music playing. It was just total silence.

After about six minutes, the tape cut to the scene of Margo, Edith and Agnes trying to talk to Gru, but Gru said it was only a recording... Wow, this was pretty late in the film. Again, it was dead silence.

It cut to static for about five minutes. But again it was silent. The weird thing is that I could make out some sort of video in the static. It look like Gru standing over one of the minions and Gru somehow tore open the poor minion's chest and proceeded to eat his intestines. I nearly vomited, but the video clip ended.

The film cut to the scene where Gru was in Vector's rocket to rescue Margo, Edith and Agnes, but again it was silent. When it got to the scene of Gru rescuing Edith and Agnes, it once again cut to static. This time there was no hidden video thankfully and it was just regular static. It cut to the shot of Gru and Margo both falling down when Gru tried saving Margo from Vector. However, the scene went on longer than I expected. The minions tried saving Gru and Margo, but they didn't save Gru and Margo at all... both Gru and Margo both died when they fell to their deaths, and the minions then all committed suicide by jumping down with Gru and Margo.... This emotionally affected me greatly as Gru was one of my favorite characters.

It cut to Gru, Margo, Edith and Agnes and the minions at Vector's lab. When Vector ordering his cookie robots to kill Gru, Margo, Edith, Agnes and the minions. The disturbing thing is the scene just keeps going. The cookie robots eventually kill Gru by beheading him with his sword and the minions were thrown into the lava dissolving them, and the girls (Margo, Edith and Agnes) died by being torn apart with an axe. A time card appeared which read one month later. The weird thing was that it was spoken by the french narrator from SpongeBob SquarePants. A funeral was being held for Gru, The Minions, Margo, Edith and Agnes. Instead of the credits rolling, there was a message saying the dead have risen. Hail Satan. I immediately ejected the tape and threw it away. Unfortunately, my mind wasn’t quick enough to think to destroy the tape, so it still out there somewhere. If you see a VHS copy Shrek, stay away from it.

Vandalized Ending

It cut to Gru, The Minions, Margo, Edith and Agnes at Vector's lab. When Vector orders his cookie robots to kill Gru, The Minions, Margo, Edith and Agnes. The disturbing thing is the scene just keeps going. Gru eventually manages to decapitate all the cookie robots and melt off Vector's face with a flamethrower before looking at the screen telling me. They should have checked themselves before they kill themselves. The last thing I saw was his fire coming at me. Gru is love, Gru is life