im not thinking of killing myself, dw, but i really feel like only if i were dead id be able to tense down and feel free again... there's so much work and so much stu[dying] to do.. and the fact that im already studying for entering collage seems wild as fuck to me.... i want a break.. but my mom wants to put even more material on me..

this saturday its one of my (emo) friend's b-day and i told her [mom] tht i have an acting thing at one of my classes tht i needed to finish (a short movie) and tht i can't miss it, but ill have to miss the coding class coming afterwards if i wanted to get there in time.. then she said i might not be able to go anywhere on saturday bcs she wants me to start a NEW collage ready-ing course... i bearely go out with my friends, on vacay im too tired and trying to recover so i can go back to being miserable and learn more more more and on ocasions like these i cant go see my friend on their b-day?? seriously??

i mean i guess its all worth it if i then get a career and can do whatever i want.. right?