Narrator: the hooligans were sitting by the table on christmas eve planning on what they are going to do the next day

Baunjovi: so what is the hell equivalent to christmas down here

BS: greed day, on greed day everyone is required to unlock their doors for 24 hours, allowing thieves and bandits to have free reign, its baisically the purge minus the murder 

Baunjovi: that sounds awful

BS: it is, that's not even mentioning the worst of them all

Baunjovi: and what might that be?

BS: the gingerbread man

Dolly: WHERE IS HE I’LL FUCKIN KILL EM

Baunjovi: who’s the gingerbread man?

BS: a demon that stays in hiding all year except greed day, some say he used to be a man who stole christmas gifts from people when he was alive, when he died he went to hell and every year he comes out and makes full use of this holiday

Dolly: he stole my favorite knife

BS: as well as a bunch of my stuff in the last two years

Baunjovi: so what are we gonna do

BS: simple my friend, we are going to spend christmas in the living world, I already called up our funtime friends and they said we can crash their christmas party

Baunjovi: sweet

BS: so since we’re celebrating christmas this year we all have to get each other gifts

Baunjovi: but brooks it’s christmas eve

BS: exactly, if all the gifts are last minute than no one’s will seem better than another’s

Baunjovi: where are we gonna get these gifts, the shops in hell are already closed

BS: that’s why WE’RE GOING TO THE LIVING WORLD

Baunjovi: ah my ears

BS: sorry

Narrator: brooklyn satan opened up the book and flipped to a page that had a large mall on it

BS: nice, hey look its near the vincent estate, we can head there when we’re done

Baunjovi: aight then, lets go

Narrator: the hooligans went through the portal and appeared in front of the mall

BS: aight, so everyone has to get someone else a gift, I’ll get lusi a gift of course

Lusi: and I’ll get you one right back

Baunjovi: I’ll get dolly a gift

Dolly: I’ll get one for daisy

Mother daisy: mhm I’ll get one for baunjovi

Lulu: well plaguey, I guess that means its just you and me

Plaguey: agreed

BS: aight, lets go. I hear there is a wrapping station here so we can wrap our gifts for each other, ya know christmas surprises and all

Baunjovi: I’ll be sure to look for it

BS: thanks buddy, now lets get kraken

Narrator: the hooligans spread throughout the mall, separating from each other, some had no problem buying gifts while others had...difficulty

BS: damnit...damnit...damnit

Narrator: while brooklyn satan was complaining to himself a woman walked up behind him, she was tall, roughly lusi’s height. Wore a full set of golden armor with a purple cape dangling from her back. Her head was the only thing not covered, she had golden irises and purple pupils, long flowing golden hair and atop her head was a golden crown embedded with every jewel you could imagine 

???: excuse me sir, but you appear to be muttering obscenities under your breath, is there an issue

BS: who the hell are you supposed to be

Empress: my name is empress

BS: what are ya a larper or something

Empress: no, express is my self given legal name

BS: why the fuck would you name yourself that

Empress: why do you have to be such an asshole about my name

BS: I’m sorry I’m sorry, I’m just stressed is all

Empress: oh?

BS: my girlfriend, I need to get her a gift but I have no idea what to get her, I already give her everything as is

Empress: well the best kind of gifts are those that can solve problems, does your girlfriend have any big problems she needs solving

BS: hmmm...let me think….AHA! A glass eye, lusi is missing an eye. She doesn’t want to get an eye patch because she’s super self conscious about it, if I could get her a false eye she wouldn’t have to cover up so much of her face with her hair

Empress: why stop at just a glass eye, I can get you the finest jewels to form her new ocular accessory

BS: on short notice

Empress: very

BS: aight let's give it a try, I think her favorite colors are purple and blue

Empress: can I get a picture of her

BS: sure I got one right he--no that’s a nude...this o-- no that’s also a nude...nude...nude...ass pick...titty pick….AHA wait no that's too blurry….there we go that one’s tasteful

Empress: mhm, purple is definitely prominent I’d say a dark purple amethyst for the outer layer, and a deep blue sapphire for the center, pardon me I don’t know the parts of the eye but I think an amethyst outline with a sapphire center would work just right

BS: sure, let's give it a try

Empress: lets see…

Narrator: empress felt around her crown and took off the amethyst and sapphire jewels embedded in it, the empress swallowed the amethyst and changed right before BS’s eyes. Her golden armor and hair turned a deep purple while the colors of her eyes swapped. The empress then held out her hand and the outline of an eye began to form

BS: If I wasn;t the literal devil I’d find this wired

Empress: I’m almost done

Narrator: the empress then swallowed the sapphire, her armor and had changed colors again, this time to a deep blue, this time her eyes stayed one color and didn’t retain the gold or purple from before. The amethyst gem then reappeared on the empress's crown. The empress then formed a small blue jewel in her palm and placed it in the center of the amethyst outline, she then sealed the sapphire in place and handed it to BS

BS: holy shit, thanks lady. What do I owe ya

Empress: oh nothing, I’m just in the giving mood, I always come down to this mall on christmas eve to help those down on their luck

BS: well aren’t you a goody two shoes

Empress: nope, I’m rich and bored. Nothing more

BS: whatever, have a good one lady

Empress: you two sir

Narrator: meanwhile everyone else was busy getting gifts for each other

Dolly: so what does your mom like

Baunjovi: drugs, drinks, and gardening stuff

Dolly: well I don;t have an ID so gardening stuff it is then

Baunjovi: I think ma said something about needing new soil, the stuff in hell is apparently shit

Dolly: SOIL IT IS THEN

Baunjovi: is there anything you wanted or do you want to be surprised

Dolly: get me the most extra melee weapon you can find

Baunjovi: what do you mean by extra?

Dolly: surprise me, if its pointy and kills people then its good enough for me

Baunjovi you got it

Narrator: meanwhile

Lusi: damnit, what am I going to get brooks, he already has everything

Empress: excuse me darling but I can’t help but overhear you talking about your gift based grievances

Lusi: yeah, I have no idea what to get my boyfriend this year

Empress: well you know the best type of gift is the kind that solves a problem, is there a problem that he has that needs solving

Lusi: hmm...AHA! Ever since benjamin showed him that knife BS has been super self conscious about his horn

Empress: I don’t follow the logic but continue

Lusi: if I could somehow get him a new horn I’m sure he’d love it...but how will I get one on such short notice

Empress: maybe he doesn’t need an exact horn per say, but a flashy substitute

Lusi: what do you mean

Empress: well you know how people get gold tooth fillings, what if we got him a horn “filling”

Lusi: again how will I get one on such short notice

Empress: leave that to me, what are his favorite colors

Lusi: he seems to love gold and red the most

Empress: ph I know just the thing, how about a golden horn with little rubys embedded in it

Lusi: that sounds great, do you need a picture of him or something

Empress: no I think I’ll get it right

Narrator: she said with a chuckle. Empress then got to work making a new horn, she started with a golden horn she somehow made the horn in the exact shape as BS’s

Error: uh cuse she saw him earlier duh

Narrator: I’m trying to keep it whimsical you dick

Error: oh ok continue

Narrator: anyway, after she made the golden horn she took a ruby from her crown and swallowed it like the others, her clothing and hair turning a deep red, she held onto the horn and a bunch of small rubies popped up all around it in a spiral pattern

Lusi: aw he’s going to love it, thanks. How much do I need to pay you

Empress: no payment needed

Lusi: I see what you mean

Narrator: lusi winked and began to unzip her clothing

Empress: keep your damn clothes on, no sex is required, I’m rich and bored so I come here to help people who are having trouble finding last minute gifts

Lusi: really...cuz I can do you for fr--

Empress: please...shut up, no sex or payment is required

Lusi: really...sorry I’m just not used to people doing things for me without asking anything in return

Empress: its christmas damnit, the time for giving and all that. now go run along the wrapping station is on the bottom floor

Lusi: thanks, merry christmas

Empress: merry christmas to you too

Narrator: while lusi and empress were finishing up the rest of the hooligans were finding their gifts

Mother daisy: oh my little baun baun, what am I going to get you… 

Narrator: mother daisy looked around the stores wondering what to get baunjovi

Mother daisy: damnit damnit damnit

Empress: excuse me madam, is there an issue

Mother daisy: I don;t know what to get my son for christmas

Empress: what are his interests

Mother daisy: that’s the problem, I didn’t see him for almost 20 years and I haven't been um...lucid for the entire time he’s been around

Empress: poor dear, what do you know about him

Mother daisy: he’s got this little girlfriend of his, um...hmmm WAIT! I got it

Empress: need any help getting it?

Mother daisy: nope I know just what to do

Narrator: mother daisy ran off into a few random stores and pulled together a few things a mug with #1 son printed on it, a bottle of vodka and a plastic stand with a thick layer of wool surrounding it

Mother daisy: there we go, one of these has to be the one

Narrator: as mother daisy was headed down the escalator and over to the wrapping station, she bumped into plaguey who was carrying a bag of dog treats

Plaguey: do you think lulu would like these...or would she be insulted 

Mother daisy: I hear ya, that’s why I bought multiple gifts

Plaguey: of course! I should try other things...by the way what’s that wool thing you got there?

Mother daisy: oh I assume baunjovi’s head gets tired floating around all the time so I got him this little head hest so he can rest his little head sometimes

Plaguey: rest...REST of course I know just what to get

Narrator: plaguey then ran off to go forward on her sudden idea, soon after she ran off lulu came bearing her own gifts

Lulu: hey daisy do you think plaguey will like this

Narrator: lulu held out a bottle of lavender scented lotion

Lulu: I think plaguey’s skin is kinda dry so I got her this, although I can’t really tell...now that I think about it does she even shower...does she really smell under that robe

Mother daisy: I think we would have noticed by now if she did

Lulu: what if that green gas is…

Mother daisy: no, there is literally no way in hell that gas is what you think it is, plaguey doctor demons just have that ability

Lulu: in any case, does the lotion seem like a good idea

Mother daisy: hmm, how about you try...fuck I actually don’t know what to get her...she seems to hunch over a lot

Lulu: yeah she does… AHA! I got it

Narrator: lulu then went off on her own whim. Mother daisy got her gifts wrapped and waited in the food court for everyone else to finish, sure enough one by one the rest of the hooligans finished with their shopping and met mother daisy in the food court while they waited for everyone else to finish. Once everyone was done the met back outside the mall

BS: aight here’s the plan, we go back into hell, get all our valuables, bring them to the living world, spend christmas at the vincent estate and return back to hell and bring all our stuff with us, got it

Hooligans: got it

Narrator: as they were chatting the empress walked past

Empress: vincent estate? What business do you all have there?

BS: we were invited to mr vincent’s christmas party tomorrow

Empress: ah I see, you must be the hooligans my funtime friends were talking about

BS: you know the funtimes

Empress: I’m practically one of them, I live in that estate too and will also be attending the party

BS: well then I guess we’ll see you there

Empress: quite

Narrator: the empress then left with a wink, mother daisy, brooklyn satan and lusi winked back before heading back into hell to prepare for the upcoming festivities, although mother daisy, BS and lusi were confused at each others reactions

TO BE CONTINUED