brooklyn satan: well lets see if the election is still going, what has it been? five days now

news anchor: america grieves today as both presidential candidates were shot mere hours apart from each other, no one has found the killer but people speculate that it was the same person who killed both as they used the same type of weapon

brooklyn satan: oh no

(ring ring)

brooklyn satan: this better not be what I think it is...hello

baunjovi: you're not gonna believe this

BS: let me guess its about trump and biden

baunjovi: how did ya know?

BS: I saw the news, what's happening

baunjovi: well they are both pissed I'll tell you that

BS: and

baunjovi: they are beating the crap out of each other and destroying a LOT in the process

BS: I'll get the team and be right down

(hangs up)

BS: LUSI, DAISY, DOLLY GET OVER HERE

dolly: what is it

BS: to put it short both trump and biden were killed, went to hell and are now our problem

mother daisy: I'm not high enough for this

BS: get in the car

narrator: daisy got behind the wheel as the rest strategized on what they were going to do

dolly: you know we may need to murder one or BOTH of them to calm the calamity

BS: maybe, if so I know who should go down

lusi: me too

BS: lets say it together

lusi: alright

both 3...2...1

BS: biden

lusi: trump

both: WHAT!?!

lusi: you want trump to live?!

BS: you want to keep biden alive?!

lusi: I should have known the devil would want to keep the evil candidate alive

BS: yer talking as if biden is squeaky clean

dolly: but there both in hell tho

both: QUIET

lusi: I knew you were evil but RACIST too

BS: oh sure call the trump supporter racist what was that thing biden said...oh yeah "if you don't vote for me you ain't black"

lusi: oh be quiet

BS: poor kids have just as much opportunity as white kids

lusi: oh come on

BS: all black people think the same

lusi: are you done

BS: now tell me who the racist one is

lusi: uh still trump, he's putting those mexicans in cages at the border

BS: yeah sure, cages BIDEN (and obama) BUILT

dolly: can you two shut up, were almost there

lusi: racist republican

BS: filthy democrat

mother daisy: alright I see them

BS: oh shit

narrator: an entire city block had been destroyed in the calamity, baunjovi was knocked out on a piece of cement as the two presidential demons were duking it out. Trump was large and made of bricks, some could say he looked like a living wall, his obvious toupee replaces with small locks of gold, the cement that was holding his body together was made from melted gold. meanwhile, biden was much smaller with thin arms and legs made of wood, a just as wooden face with his features painted on, attached to his joints were stings that were being held by brown feminine hands. the two were locked in combat with neither seeming to get ahead of the other, biden was faster in this form but trump was sturdier, able to take biden's hits without taking damage

BS: alrighty lets do this

narrator: BS and dolly made a beeline for biden while lusi and daisy handled trump

trump: ladies come on we can settle this in a different way

mother daisy: why are his hands moving so much

lusi: I know what you're talking about and am not interested

mother daisy: please mr uh former? president, we can talk this out

trump: not now, I got a cheater to kill

biden: I HEARD THAT!

narrator: trump and biden ignored the other demons and went right back to hitting each other, mother daisy threw out some vines to hold trump back while dolly grabbed the hands holding biden's strings causing him to fall down

trump: not much without your master are ya

BS: QUIET! you two are causing immense collateral damage and that cannot do

trump: hell I can pay for it if ya want

BS: your wealth does not transfer to your death, you are effectively broke

biden: (chuckles)

BS: so are you puppet man

narrator: BS then went to the trunk of his car and pulled out a rocket launcher

BS: lucky I brought this with me

biden: you see this is why americans shouldn't have guns

trump: there's a difference between a pistol and whole god damn rocket launcher

BS: one of you has to pay for this and the other is going to be imprisoned

narrator: BS began to point the rocket launcher at biden but lusi grabbed the launcher and pushed it towards trump

BS: ITS MY LAUNCHER SO I GET TO DECIDE
lusi: LIKE HELL YOU DO

narrator: the two pushed each other so hard that the launcher fell out of their hands and fired, missing both candidates by several feet and hitting a building several yards away

BS: and that...was my only rocket

narrator: as BS said that trump broke free of mother daisy's vines while biden's puppet master freed its hands from dolly's grasp, the two then went back to fighting, causing mass destruction n their wake. meanwhile lusi and BS were fist fighting each other on the ground

mother daisy: for the love of-- dolly, keep the destruction to a minimum please the three of us need to talk

dolly: you got it

narrator: mother daisy then went over and wrapped the two in vines

mother daisy: WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU TWO!

BS: she made me miss the shot

lusi: he wants to protect and lie for a rac--

mother daisy: SHUT UP! look at yourselves, fighting pathetically over political differences. it is ideas like this that divide america .you two used to like, hell dare I say love each other before this started. I understand that you both think differently in regards to politics but that is no reason to fight. meanwhile we have two rouge demons destroying the city. so please put aside your differences and help.

narrator: then dolly flew by and landed on the ground next to them

dolly: plus were in hell so none of our political opinions matter anyway

mother daisy: oh yeah, you're literally fighting about nothing

narrator: lusi and BS looked at each other, it started with a glare but as they stared longer their faces contorted to a grin, then they started chuckling, then all-out laughing

lusi hahahahahaha

BS: hahahahaha

both: I COMPLETELY FORGOT I WAS IN HELL...YOU TWO? HOLY SHIT!? HAHAHAHAHAHA

BS: hey I'm sorry I called ya the worst thing I could call somebody

lusi: really? filthy is the worst thing you could come up with

BS: no calling somebody a democrat is. just kidding that was a joke

lusi: ha ha ha, well I'm sorry I called you racist and evil, as far as satans go you're pretty nice

BS: thanks

mother daisy: aww, how cute

dolly: yeah yeah, cute, can we get back to dealing with this now, I need to know who to murder

baunjovi: WHAT JUST HAPPENED

dolly: oh hey you're up

BS: you know what we may not need to murder either of them, I just remembered we have to send trump to the presidential hall and biden to the vault anyway

dolly: the what and what now?

BS: oh presidents have their own place of rest called the presidential hall, its just that they don't span there and need to be escorted, meanwhile biden has to go to the vault, where all other politicians go, the jury is still out on whether we should put him with the presidents or not

baunjovi: so what is the plan

BS: dolly and I will handle biden, you daisy and lusi can handle trump, we have to knock them out and move them to their respective places

all: got it

BS: THEN LETS GO!

narrator: the crew ran to their respective presidents and separated them. dolly grabbed the hands controlling biden while BS knocked him out while he was down. meanwhile, trump was tripped by mother daisy's vines, baounjovi formed two portals to hold his hands in place while lusi dropped down holding a large tree (made by mother daisy) that knocked out trump upon connect

BS: DONE!

lusi: DONE!

narrator: BS called a service on his phone which took the two candidates in trucks to their respective places. meanwhile, the hooligans went back to BS's castle

baunjovi: so since they're both dead who's gonna be president now

mother daisy: well mike pence will carry out the rest of trump's term

dolly: but who will take over from there?

lusi: I don't know?

BS: turn on the radio maybe they'll have something

radio: so kenye west, how does it feel to be the next president of the united states

kenye: I thank god for this position but I feel horri--

all: KENYE WEST!

dolly: I thought he was only running as a joke

BS: I guess not

mother daisy: now that I think about it, who killed the presidents anyway?

24 hours earlier

blitzo: so you're telling me you want us to kill BOTH presidential candidates AND they both need to die in new york?

echo: yes, yes I am

blitzo: usually I don't ask my clients why they want somebody dead...but WHY!

echo: both of those old bastards are going to hell, and if they come at the same time they are going to fight each other, if they both die in the same place they will both end up in new york hell, when they fight they'll cause damage when they cause damage brooklyn satan will notice and get involved, then he will get killed in the crossfire

blitzo: wow, that is a stupid plan, and I know a thing or two about stupid plans

echo: I swear to god if you start another flashback I'll kill you

blitzo: listen lady, this is a hard job and it'll take a LOT to get us to pull off a murder this elaborate

echo: did I mention my money is still getting here..oh wait here it is now

narrator: the window to blitzo's three-story balcony was blosked by something large, and golden. blitzo looked outside and saw a wagon being pushed by a very exhausted benjamin piled high with cash

blitzo: where did you even get all this money

echo: I went to all the top businessmen in hell, married them, killed them, and took everything they had

blitzo: we'll notify you when the job is done

echo: excellent

END