narrator: brooklyn satan was at his desk finalizing some deals when BS's business phone rang

BS: yello

baunjovi: ey brooks, there's a lady and her lackies here, and they look pissed

BS: let them in

baunjovi: about that...they let themselves in...they should be breaking down the door to your office in 3...2...1

(BAM)

charlie: BROOKLYN SATAN!

narrator: charlie marched into BS's office and slammed a paper on his desk

BS: the hell is this

charlie: a lawsuit...I'm suing you

BS: why

charlie: copyright infringement

BS: I didn't infringe anything

charlie: really? does this ring a bell "a story that takes place in hell, has a high ranking hell official trying to make a better place, and has its own stylized version of hell" does that sound familiar

BS: it sounds like a coincidence

charlie: well then, how about you invite your little friends over, then we can see the real infringement

BS: okay (picks up phone) baunjovi can you call the hooligans to my office, you included

charlie: you even have the same abbreviation "HH"

???: this is getting interesting

BS: WHO'S THERE

narrator: an air vent burst open to reveal that benjamin and echo were spying on BS the whole time

BS: can we do this later I'm clearly busy

echo: at this point, I just want to watch

narrator: at that point, the rest of the hooligans had made it into the office, they even got dolly on a zoom call

charlie: now let's see if this sounds familiar *ahem. a powerful bad guy who can kill the most powerful demons in hell

alistor: maybe

echo: hardly a coincidence

charlie: a character who's sole purpose is to make sex jokes, yet is still somehow the fan-favorite

lusi: hey I am more than just a walking sex joke

angel dust: right, keep telling yourself that toots

charlie: a little girl character that is awkwardly hyperactive

Nifty: that is absurd I'm not that hyper am I that hyper I hope I'm not that hyper

dolly: yeah I think I'm pretty chill compared to her

Nifty: well you're in a hospital bed so...

dolly: I'LL BE THERE IN A FEW MINUTES

narrator: dolly jumped from her hospital bed and the video cut out

charlie: a female character who provides emotional support to the protagonist

vaggie: charlie, maybe we need to calm down a bit

mother daisy: there there brooks everything will be fine

vaggie/MD: oh...wait...crap

charlie: a clinically depressed sidekick to one of the main characters

husk: fuck off

baunjovi: I'm not THAT depressed...am I

charlie: a side villain with a stupid accent that causes a ton of destruction and happens to be based on animals

benjamin: oh come on these are way to vague

sir pentious: I agree they are way to open for discussion

echo: who even are these guys anyway

BS: they're the fuckers from fancy hell, you know the hell that doesn't have a respawn machine and has a stupid dress code

charlie: we do not have a dress code

BS: then why do all of you have suits and bowties

charlie: we don't...all...have.....SHUT UP!

lusi: I watched hazbin hotel and charlie was so much nicer there

BS: its an act to make herself look good, when really deep down she's just an entitled little princess

charlie: DO NOT CALL ME PRINCESS!

BS: okay princie, here's the dealio, you take your lawsuit, and all yer little friends and go back to working on your next episode, I'm sure it'll be out by 2025, and let me and my friends go back to what we were doing

charlie: NO THIS IS BLATANT COPYRIGHT INFRINGEMENT AND WERE TAKING THIS TO COURT

narrator: one court case later

judge: I find the defendant...NOT GUILTY

BS: BOOOOM BITCH

charlie: AHHH!

alistor: I blame you and your lack of knowledge on copyright laws for this

charlie: why didn't you HELP ME THEN

alistor: its more fun to watch you fail then to help you succeed

charlie: this isn't over! brooklyn satan

BS: the judge says otherwise

charlie: how about a different way of settling this

alistor: ooh a bum fight, I can get knives if you two want to fight with knives

echo: no silly, give them swords

alistor: I like the way you think

charlie: let's see which series serves their purpose better, I say we have a series of competitions to see which group has the better cast of characters, if I win you end hell's hooligans, if you win I get off your back

BS: deal

round one: benjamin VS sir pentious

charlie: the point of your characters is to cause destruction

BS: so I found this city block labeled for just that

charlie: whoever can cause the most destruction in 30 minutes wins

benjamin: this is going to be a real piece of cake

pentious: for me

charlie: GO!

narrator: banjamin pulled out a barrel of dynamite, lit the fuse and threw it into one of the buildings, the fuse lit blew up and completely leveled the building

banjamin: HA! beat tha--

sir pentious: done

narrator: sir pentious had gotten in his ship and leveled the entire rest of the block

charlie: it appears we have a winner, point one for the hazbins

round 2 vaggie VS mother daisy

BS: you too are the emotional support for your respective casts, now we've all been a little emotional lately so whoever can make their team feel better wins

vaggie: seems simple enough

mother daisy: may the best girl win

narrator: vaggie and mother daisy went over to their team members and began to comfort them

baunjovi: ma...am I really that depressed

mother daisy: no honey you're not, you are doing great when it comes to mental health, after all you have mommy here to make you feel better

baunjovi: thanks ma, love you

mother daisy: you want me to make you some incense to help you relax

baunjovi: yes ma, thank you

narrator: meanwhile

charlie: how could we, lose the lawsuit vaggie

vaggie: shh, shh, it was unfair we fought in BS's court he had the advantage to begin with, its his fault

charlie: thanks vaggie

vaggie: want to cuddle

charlie: yes

BS: so alistor, our unbiased judge, who do you think is the better emotional support

alistor: I must say that I think its mother daisy, you cannot beat motherly love, plus I don't remember being emotionally supported by vaggie recently

vaggie: you never look like you need it

mother daisy: become a mom dearie, then you'll always know

BS: that's one all

round 3: baunjovi vs husk

charlie: you two are depressed

baunjovi: well I feel better now that ma ha--

charlie: not now, and of course the stereotypical way of dealing with depression is drinking

BS: basically its a contest of who can drink more

husk: alright this is something I can get behind

BS: GO

narrator: the two then began to take in shots like never before, baunjovi and husk kept pace for a while but baunjovi had a trick up his sleeve, baunjovi was able to hold a lot of shots in his head before transferring it to his body, meaning the effects of the shots were delayed for him, allowing him to take more shots in a shorter time, eventually outlasting husk

BS: 2-1 for the hooligans

round 4: alistor vs echo

BS: this is a straight-up fight, whoever has the more powerful villian wins

alistor: can I kill her

BS: this is a knockout competition, the purpose is to knock your opponent out

alistor: that is 30% less fun

charlie: GO!

narrator: alistor's eyes went blank as he rose from the ground, black tentacles sprouted out from his lower body and shot at echo, echo blasted them back with electricity, echo ran in and transformed into a cat, in her cat form she jumped at alistor's face and clawed at his eyes, leaving a scratch mark over his glasses as well as knocking them off

alistor: now you've done it

narrator: alistor sent a wave of tentacles towards echo, as he did that a massive thundercloud loomed over alistor's head. alistor grabbed echo just as he was struck by lightning, this caused his grip to tense up and squeeze echo, by the end both echo and alistor fell to the ground

charlie: who won

narrator: alistor's hand then raised while echo stayed unconscious

alistor: a narrow victory for the radio demon

charlie: and the score is all tied up

round 5: lusi vs angel dust

pimpster: step right up ladies and gentlemen because we have ourselves a FUCK OFF!

crowd: OOH!

pimpster: in the blue corner we have the reigning champion, jusy lusi!

audience: WOO HOO

pimpster: and in the red corner we have the challenger, you may know him from arachnids gone wild, get dusty, and other adult films it's ANGEL DUST

audence: AHH!

pimpster: the rules of a fuck off are simple, the first step is to lure as many people as possible to your side of the stage using your seduction tactics, then once the audience has chosen you must fuck everyone who voted for you AT ONCE. begin

angel dust: I have this in the bag, everyone knows there are more gays than straights in hell anyway, straight girls like you don't stand a chance

lusi: ha ha, funny of you to call me straight when I'm as curved as a pan

angel dust: a pan...wait are you--

lusi: pansexual? yeah, both boys and girls are welcome to this party

angel dust: ah who cares, its not like you can beat my quality service, I mean who else do you know that can give six handjobs at once, while sucking someone else off and taking it up the ass

narrator: lusi then grew six extra arms

lusi: try 8 handjobs at once, sucking another one off, taking one up the ass, one in the pussy, one getting a tailjob AND being able to curtail to any fetish known to demonkind

angel dust: ha ha, say what you want but I still have the gay majority on my side

lusi: uh huh, who here likes angel dust

narrator: a piece of the crow raised their hands

lusi: well then

narrator: lusi then turned into angel dust

lusi: (in her best angel dust impersonation) problem solved

pimpster: time is up and we have a clear winner in the seduction category

angel dust: time to put your money where your mouth is toots

lusi: I would but something else is gonna fill it first

pimpster: each contestant must go into the designated orgy rooms and take on all the people who voted for them at once, if they can't take it they will have to press the forfeit button, first person to forfeit loses, if neither forfeits the one that took more "punishment" wins

narrator: three hours later

angel dust: well that was easy, like a walk in the parl, how long did toots last

pimpster: she's still going

angel dust: she didn't forfeit?

pimpster: nope

narrator: two hours more and lusi finally walked out looking...erm whiter...and slimier than usual. lusi looked at the astonished angel dust, turned away, and wicked her tail, flinging cum onto his face

lusi: I guess you can say I left you in the dust (puts on sunglasses) the angel dust

BS: YEAAHHH!

round 6: dolly vs nifty

charlie: for this, we have a simple race, the first one around the block three times wins

Nifty: okay

dolly: let's go

narrator: charlie shot the starter's pistol and the two were off, nifty was faster than dolly at first and kept the lead, however, dolly couldn't take the pressure and two laps in she collapsed givng nifty the win

BS: unfair dolly is in a weakened state

charlie: that's a 3-3 tie, looks like it's down to you and me

BS: so what are we gonna do

charlie: what I'm best at, you and me are gonna have a singing battle

BS: if you say so

narrator: next thing they knew they were both on stage and ready to sing their hearts out
[Brooklyn satan]
Cinematic
Movie magic
Dear Charlie
Your life’s so tragic

Line up for the big parade
brook lyn satan gets the reward today

[Charlie]
hey, Peck Neck, show some respect
If you don’t, you’ll end up like a train – wrecked!
‘Cause I’ve got a winnin’ streak, and it’s here to stay!
Just another award for my resume!

[Both]
Lights, camera, action!
Work to satisfaction!
With Time Piece transactions
Increase that critic score!

[Brooklyn satan]
Hey, birdbrain, show some respect
Step aside for a man who knows how to direct
I’m the main attraction
And I’m getting that reward!

[Both]
I direct the best in town
Don’t act like you haven’t heard
Your genre’s getting stale
Yeah, I think it’s for the birds

While you pander to the base
Inflate that critic score
I will win the voting race
I’m getting that reward!

[brooklyn satan]
Lights,

[charlie]

camera,

[both]

action!
Let’s put you in traction!
I’m the main attraction
And I’m getting that reward!

[Brooklyn satan]
The market I say is overinflated
Overexposed your film's, audiences are jaded
I make stories for a crowd who’ll appreciate it
See the people pleaser, you can’t debate it!

[Charlie]
Big squawks from a young upstart
You crank out filth, I put in the heart
Maybe the film’s not for ya, ‘cause you ain’t smart
Welcome to cinema! I do this for the art!

[Charlie]
Quality over quantity, baby!

[Brooklyn satan]
And I can beat ya in both!

[Charlie]
You wanna try doin’ this faster?

[Brooklyn satan]
Oi, peck neck, learn from the master!

[Charlie]
You’d be better as a weather forecaster!

[Brooklyn satan]
Well I predict you’re a disaster!

[Charlie]
You’re gonna see my name in lights
And you’ll be seeing stars when I win the fight!

[Brooklyn stan]
You’re gonna see my name in lights
And you’ll be seein’ stars when I win the fight!

[Both]
Oi, birdbrain, show some respect
If you don’t, you’ll end up like a train – wrecked!
‘Cause I’m winnin’ this thing, and I’m here to stay
Just another award on my resume!

Lights, camera, action!
Let’s settle the score!
With "Pieceful" transactions
I’ll win the reward

I direct the best in town
Don’t act like you haven’t heard
Your genre’s getting stale
Yeah, I think it’s for the birds

Lights, camera, action!
Let’s put you in traction!
I’m the main attraction
And I’m getting that reward!

[Brooklyn stan]
The market I say is overinflated
Overexposed your films, audiences are jaded
I make movies for a crowd who’ll appreciate it
See the people pleaser, you can’t debate it!

Cinematic, movie magic
Dear conductor, your life’s so tragic
Line up for the big parade
DJ Grooves gets the reward today

[Charlie]
Hey, Peck Neck, show some respect
If you don’t, you’ll end up like me train – wrecked!
‘Cause I’ve got a winnin’ streak, and it’s here to stay!
Just another award for my resume!

Lights, camera, action!
Work to satisfaction!
With "peaceful" transactions
Increase that critic score!

[Both]
Lights, camera, action!
Let’s put you in traction!
I’m the main attraction
And I’m getting that reward!

 narrator: the two held on that final note until they both passed out of exhaustion, when they woke up they saw the audience voting on who they thought won

charlie: it was nice knowing your series brooks

BS: well it has more episodes than yours so at least there's some variety in content, at least we're not being shown up by our sideshow

charlie: grr

alistor: the votes are in, and the winner is...pause for dramatic effect...a....tie?!!?!

charlie/brooklyn stan: WHAT!?!?!?

alistor: so...what now

BS: listen this has been fun but can we just move on, you can have your series, and I can have mine, I mean we're in completely different mediums here I'm sure we can work out something

charlie: you know what, my reaction to your little series was a bit...extreme, I think its best that we just cut our losses and leave each other alone

BS: agreed

alistor: really...that's it

lusi: do you know how much I had to take

echo: my head is still throbbing

angel dust: my pride has taken too much of a beating

Nifty: I think the doll girl is dead

BS: I see no problems with leaving it as a tie

literally everyone except BS and charlie: REEE!

END