baunjovi: so black Friday is a holiday down here....you know what that makes too much sense forget I asked

BS: yes it is, of course down here we call it choice day

baunjovi: why?

BS: because on this day you have a choice, everything in the entire hellscape is 90% off meaning you could buy a $900 TV for $90 or something like that, but if you take part in the shopping spree you cannot take the other option, that being the one chance a year you get to visit heaven, for 24 hours demons are allowed in this meeting room in heaven to relax, talk with angels, or just chill

baunjovi: really?

BS: yeah believe it or not the shopping spree is the more popular option

lulu: I mean yeah its the only day of the year I could afford anything

plaguey: it allows me to buy things to mask my impending sadness and loneliness...it doesn't work

BS: well you know what, I think this year were gonna visit heaven

lulu: why?

BS: because our respawn machine is broken and I don't feel like getting killed over a PS5

lulu: oh shit you're right, I got killed 5 times last year

dolly: I know, three of them were from me

BS: come on lets head to the stairway

narrator: so the hooligans went to the middle of town to see a white glowing staircase leading up, there were a few other demons going up as well but not many. once the hooligans made their way to the top the felt and instant change, the floor beneath them was soft, the air was clean and clear, and there was a gentle warmth that made them feel welcome

BS: this is (bleep) awso--- the (bleep) was that

god: hahaha no cursing no

BS: oh hi God what's with the (bleep) bleeping?

god: curse words are not permitted in heaven and are immediately silenced

BS: well (bleep) me then

god: please have a look around, there's plenty of places to relax and indulge yourselves in, if you have any questions just ask me or one of my helpers

narrator: the hooligans looked around the meeting room looking for things to do, mother daisy made herself comfortable by the water cooler, baunjovi, lulu and lusi mingled with the angels, BS kept talking with god, but dolly and pleaguey just sat in the middle on a bench and watched, that was until a short angel came along and started talking to them

mary: I'm mary sue, nice to meet you

dolly: I'm dolly do, nice to meet you too

plaguey: hi

mary: you two don't seem like you're having a good time, s there a way to make your brief stay here more enjoyable?

dolly: I don't know

mary: perhaps you two are stressed, if you come with me I can show you the best stress relievers heaven ahs to offer

plaguey: it is worth a try

narrator: the two were lead to a room with several workers and medical tables, there were a few other demons there being treated in different ways

mary: from the looks of it you are a doll demon, in which case we have just the thing for you, over in that room over there is a washing room where you'll be cleaned better that you ever have before, and you'll come out the fluffiest you ever have

dolly: F L U F F Y

narrator: dolly then rushed off to the room she was directed in

mary: and for you, there is a massage place right over there, all we need is for you to take off the robes and mask

plaguey: I can't

mary: oh...are they part of you are something?

plaguey: no...I'm too afraid

mary: oh silly, this is heaven, everyone is accepted no matter what they look like, you have nothing to fear

narrator: with shaky hands plaguey reached for her mask she grabbed it for a second before letting it go

plaguey: can we go somewhere more private I don't want everybody seeing

mary: of course, whatever you need to relax

narrator: while plaguey and dolly were relaxing baunjovi managed to find someone really special to chat with

baunjovi: holy (bleep) jesus! is that you

jesus: yes yes its me

baunjovi: holy (bleep) I have so many questions

jesus: ask away, its the only time you can

baunjovi: first off, can you do that water into wine trick

jesus: every demon that comes here on this day wants me to to the water into wine trick, but I'll do it again anyway

narrator: jesus went to the water cooler, filled a cup with water, put his hand over the cup and when his hand moved away the water had turned into wine, baunjovi gave respectable applause and was handed the cup

baunjovi: holy (bleep) this is some good (bleep)

jesus: it's my blood

baunjovi: if I were still human I'd do a double-take but this is still good (bleep)

jesus: oh hey its almost time

baunjovi: so the pronoun game still lives on in heaven huh? alright I'll bite. time for what?

jesus: every year at noon the residents of heave come to see the residents of hell that decided to come to visit

baunjovi: oh nice

narrator: people began to enter the meeting room to chat with the visiting demons, one, in particular, came over to the water cooler

???: daisy is that you?

mother daisy: that voice...no....TREVOR!

trevor: yes honey it's me

mother daisy: oh my god you're here, you disappeared one night and I was so worried and and

trevor: I'm sorry about that honey, I made favors I could return and paid the price, I'm sorry I had to disappear on you

mother daisy: and I'm sorry I couldn't meet you here

narrator: mother daisy then noticed there was a woman standing behind him

mother daisy: who is this?

trevor: this was my first wife marolyn, I married you after she died

mother daisy: oh...well this is kind of awkward then

marolyn: hardly, I understand the circumstances

mother daisy: oh thank goodness I--

lusi: MOM, DAD!

narrator: lusi then ran over, trampling mother daisy in the process

marolyn: lusi darling its so good to see you after all these years

trevor: I love you sweetie

narrator: lusi got on her knees and hugged her parents tight, shedding tears of joy as she did, mother daisy got up as well and did the same, baunjovi stopped chatting with jesus for a second and matted his mother's back

marolyn: we came here every year hoping you would come

trevor: I must say every year was heartbreaking without seeing you

lusi: never again (sniff) never again, I'll come back every year I promise (sniffle)

marolyn: has daisy been treating you well, I wouldn't want my daughter to be unhappy with her only parental figure

mother daisy: I think I'm doing fine, what about you

baunjovi: yer great ma don't worry

lusi: yeah you've been fine

mother daisy: fine? just fine

lusi; well you have your own set of problems

baunjovi: how about we discuss this later, wouldn't wat to ruin the moment

narrator: speaking of moments, even lulu was meeting someone she hadn't seen in awhile

???: lulu is that you

lulu: huh...BEN!

ben: honey it's you! it's really you

lulu: oh my goodness its been years

???: hello

narrator: a child appeared next to ben

lulu: who is this?

ben: this is our kid...or at least she would have been if not for...

narrator: he covered the kid's ears

ben: the abortion

lulu: oh my god i'm so sorry

ben: its okay she forgives you, right sandra

sandra: yes mom, I forgive you

lulu: (sniff) I don't forgive myself for what I did to you, had I known what would happen to ben I would have never had the... you know

ben: we just want you to know we love you very much and had things been different if I hadn't died

lulu: and if we were thinking clearly

ben: we would have loved you in the real world too

narrator: lulu got on her knees and hugged her would-be child, ben joined in as well. brooklyn satan and god stopped their conversation for a second and looked at the hooligans for a moment

BS: god I need to ask you something

god: yes son

BS: Can you give a budget increase to brooklyn hell, if not all the hell districts

god: why?

BS: well you know how you signed the redemption act a few centuries ago right

god: of course

BS: well aside from the uber-rich fancy hell none of the districts can afford a redemption program and that just ain't right, you can't look at these families right here and say separating them permanently is justice it's...cruel and I'm satan...or... a satan...you get the point

god: I'll talk to the D man about it, only he has the power to raise your budget

BS: thanks god

god: you're welcome. you know if we lived in a timeline where you made good life descisions you would have made a fine addition to my council

BS: thanks big guy

god: look at the time, its only a half hour to midnight, you all have to get going soon

BS: (bleep) you're right

god: as a reward for avoiding temptation all demons who chose not to indulge in consumerism get one git of their choice to take back to hell with them

BS: I'll take a camera, a really good one, like one that gets 4k video and pictures

god: done

narrator: a camera then appeared in brooklyn satan's hand. as this happened the other hooligans gathered around

dolly: pet my head PET IT!

narrator: lusi then pet dolly's head

lusi: holy (bleep) you're soft

dolly: I AM FLUFFY!

baunjovi: hey if I can only take one thing back, can I get like a BIG jug of that jesus water wine

jesus: you got it my man

dolly: dolly wants whatever made her FLUFFY

narrator: a massive bottle of soap then appeared in front of her

dolly: YAY!

lulu: I want a way to see ben and sandra while I'm in hell...OH what about a phone, a phone that allowes me to call ben and snadra from hell

god: I can pull some strings

lusi: can I get one too

god: sure, just uh don't show these off to much, we don't want everybody having one, that might break some interworldy laws

lusi: they won't leave the castle

lulu: we promise

plaguey: I want something to make me feel better

dolly: PAT MY HEAD YOU SAD LUMP

narrator: plaguey pet dolly's head

plaguey: I feel better now

dolly: FLUFF

god: I have just the thing for you

narrator: plaguey was given a new robe, one that was just as soft as dolly's head

plaguey: I love it

mother daisy: can I get some wool, its hard to come by in hell

god: you got it

mother daisy: thank you

god: alright, its almost time for you to leave, please say your final goodbyes

lusi: mom, dad I'll be sure to call you every day

trevor: I look foward to it

marolyn: before you go, take this, I made it years ago hoping I could give it to you

narrator: marolyn haded her a golden heart locket, lusi opened the locket and saw a picture of marolyn on one side and trevor on the other

marolyn: now we'll always be together

lusi: wait let me give you something

narrator: lusi took out her old phone and looked through her pictures

lusi: are they any of these that are not nu-- nevermind...there!

narrator: lusi found a picture of herself staning in front of the mile high club the day she and pimpster bought it

lusi: hey god can you make this a real picture please

god: sure

narrator: a physiscal version of the picture appeared

lusi: here, so I can awlays be there

(DING DONG)

god: its midnight

narrator: a strong force then started to drag the hooligans back to the staricase

lusi: I LOVE YOU MOM I LOVE YOU DADA

lulu: I LOVE YOU BEN AND SANDRA

mother daisy: I LOVE YOU TREVOR

baunjovi: YO JESUS WE SHOULD REALLY HANG OUT SOMETIME

narrator: the hooligans were dragged down the staricase back into brooklyn hell

BS: well everyone...lets head home

narrator: the group began to walk home feeling...bittersweet

lusi: I know I have the locket and the phone but I still miss them

dolly: carry me

lusi: okay

(picks her up)

lusi: okay you have no right being this soft, how do I already feel better

dolly: with great fluffyness comes great responsibility

lulu: I have a daughter...I HAVE A DAUGHTER!

mother daisy: lusi, did I do anything wrong as a parent

lusi: well you have a bit of a weed peoblem

baunjovi: and a drinking problem

lusi: and a magic mushroom addiction

mother daisy: okay so I get hooked easily big deal
lusi: its a big deal because you are almost always high, or drunk, or knocked out somewhere. although credit where crdit is due, you're pretty great for the...two hours a day you're conscious

baunjovi: by the way ma if you touch my jesus wine I'm pulling out the weedkiller

mother daisy: alright I won't touch the wine

plaguey: hey mr satan

BS: "mr satan" call me brooklyn satan, BS, or brooks please

plaguey: okay mr brooklyn satan, why did you get that camera?

BS: I'll show you when we get back

narrator: ten minutes later

BS: alright I want you all to show off you gifts to the camera

narrator: everyone line up next to each otherand showed off their gifts front and center

BS: alright the picture is going to snap in 3...2...1 LUSI I LOVE YOU

lusi: WHAT?!?!

(SNAP)

END