Venus: saturn, should we really be doing this

Saturn: what do you mean

Venus: what if god finds out

Saturn: he won’t. 

Venus: are you sure?

Saturn: positive

Venus: okay

Saturn: there we go love. Whisk all those worries away. I hardly understand why you stay with him to begin with

Venus: because he is god, why wouldn’t I

Saturn: hmm? Do you love him though? 

Venus: well…

Saturn: more than me?

Venus: no not even close

Saturn: then how about you show me some affection

Narrator: three months later

God: venus, we must speak

Venus: yes sir

God: I see you are pregnant

Venus: yes isn’t it wonderful

God: it would be, but there's one thing I can’t quite grasp

Venus: hmm?

God: as the goddess of love you can only concede with someone you love through and through. We’ve been together for centuries. Why the sudden change now

Venus: well with all the time we’ve spent toget--

God: who is he

Venus: what?

God: don’t lie woman I see right through you. Now who is he

Venus: I’ll never tell you who she is

God: SHE! HOW DARE YOU! You have the nerve not only to layeth with someone else buta woman no less. This I cannot forgive

Venus: wait honey wai--

God: DON’T USE THAT TALK WITH ME

Narrator: the floor beneath venus began to open up, venus’s feet slipped and she began to fall

Venus: PLEASE NO!

God: I...am...heartbroken

Narrator: and with that venus fell, and fell, and fell. Once she landed she felt the heat of fire and knew where she was. She tried rubbing her eyes but felt that there was a cloth in the way

God: may you never see your love or your child ever

Narrator: five years later

BS: um excuse me is this lady venus

Venus: yes, it is I. the goddess of love what may I do for you

BS: I heard you’re the only one in hell that can marry satan to his queen

Venus: correct, it is I who conducts the marriage of royalty

BS: perfect. You see me and my girl lusi we want to be official and wish for your services

Venus: of course. Both of you please sign here

Narrator: venus handed lusi and BS a piece of paper which they both signed

Venus: now with the power vested in me the lo--

Bettie: de wuv gowdess I hereby

Venus: sweetie what are you doing

Bettie: hewping

Venus: thats sweet darling but can you please let mommy work

Bettie: but I want to hewp

Venus: how about you help me by...AHA! Eating this cookie

Bettie: YAY!

Venus: terribly sorry I had to bring my daughter along today, give me a moment

Narrator: venus dug through her purse and pulled out some cookies

Venus: here have these

Bettie: thank you mommy

Venus: anyway, as I was saying.  With the powers vested in me, the goddess of lo--

Bettie: (CHOMP) nom nom nom (crunch)

Venus: ah f**k it. You’re married now

BS: that’s it?

Venus: yeah usually I put on this big display and show off my powers and yadda yadda but it seems like little miss bettie is not having it. The point is you two were officially married when you signed the paper, congratulations, mazel tov, etcetera etcetera 

BS: oh…well thank you

Lusi: you’re kid is super cute by the way

Venus: she is! Thank god, I’m blind so I wouldn’t know

BS: yer blind? Then how did you know where the papers were

Venus: muscle memory.

BS: huh? Neat

END