Artwork by lovley

Character by me

Arachnid admirer: um...hi

Succubus qween: huh? Who dis?

Arachnid admirer: um I saw your bio in the matchmaking server… you said your DMs are open

Succubus qween: uh yeah that’s true

Arachnid admirer: are you uh still looking for someone

Succubus qween: yeah?

Arachnid admirer: want to uh…chat for a bit

Succubus qween: sure 

Arachnid admirer: my name is sugar, what’s yours?

Succubus qween: elizabeth

Arachnid admirer: um uh where are you from

Succubus qween: england, you

Arachnid admirer: new york

Succubus qween: eh neat

Arachnid admirer: uh….what do you do

Succubus qween: don’t have a job right  now, I’m in my senior year of college on my way to get my robotics degree

Arachnid admirer: ooh fancy

Succubus qween: what about you what do you do

Arachnid admirer: I uh work as a masseuse at this little spa place

Succubus qween: ugh I could use a message RN I’m so fucking stressed from all this work

Arachnid admirer: aw I’m sorry are you busy right now

Succubus qween: I’ll be done in about an hour, want to talk again then

Arachnid admirer: sure :D

Narrator: three months later

Arachnid admirer: hey uh lizzie

Succubus qween: yeah

Arachnid admirer: can we voice chat for a second

Succubus qween: sure

Narrator: they entered a voice call

Sugar: hi um are you there

Elizabeth: yes love I am

Sugar: now we’ve uh….uh

Benjamin: (in the distance) you got this darling

Sugar: shh

Elizabeth: hehe who’s that

Sugar: that’s my dad he uh wanted to help me uh...uh

Benjamin: go on love

Sugar: I love you elizabeth, I really do… and I uh...I want to be with you

Elizabeth: aw that’s so sweet 

Sugar: do uh you fe--

Elizabeth: of course love 

Sugar: REALLY!

Elizabeth: of course, I always thought of moving to america when I got my degree, I’m finishing my last year in a few months

Sugar: I can’t wait 

Narrator: one month later

Spider queen: I hate my stepmother

Sugar’s honey: what? What happened?

Spider queen: I just heard her telling dad that she wants to kick me out ITS MY BIRTHDAY! CAN’T SHE WAIT LIKE A DAY

Sugar’s honey: what a bitch

Spider queen: I know, she’s been bitchy ever since I met her, I have no idea what dad sees in her

Sugar’s honey: don’t worry baby when I come to america I’ll have an apartment ready just for the two of us, I already started purchasing one that I think we’ll love

Spider queen: ooh I can’t wait until I can get away from this witch

Narrator: the next day

Spider queen: I’m a loser

sugar’s honey: you are not, what happened

Spider queen: its hailey, she was so mean to me. Calling me fat and a slob and a freeloader

Sugar’s honey: fucking asshole

Spider queen: THANK YOU. I love my dad but his taste in women is terrible

Sugar’s honey: someone should really do something about her

Spider queen: I think I know what I’ll do I’ll scare the shit outta her with one of my spiders

Sugar’s honey: do it lol

Spider queen: okay I’ll be right back

Narrator: the next day

Sugar’s honey: hello?

Narrator: the next day

Sugar’s honey: hello? Sugar are you okay?

Narrator: the next day 

Sugar’s honey: SUGAR!

Narrator: the next day

I miss you: are you okay

Narrator: the next day

Spider queen: hello?

I miss you: OH MY GOD SUGAR! WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN

Spider queen: I uh…. This isn’t sugar

I miss you: wut

Spider queen: this is her father benjamin…. I regret to inform you that sugar has….died. She killed herself a few days ago.

I miss you: WHAT!

Spider queen: yes, I’m sorry that it took so long to get to you I couldn’t find her laptop password until a little while ago

I miss you: WHY! Why would she do this

Spider queen: I’m asking myself the same thing. I loved her with all I had

I miss you: so did I!

Spider queen: I know, I wanted to inform you because I didn’t want you to be left in the dark. Sugar’s funeral is in a few weeks if you wish to attend

I miss you: I will 

Narrator: two weeks later elizabeth arrived in new york, she drove to the address benjamin gave to her and pulled into the service, the first thing she noticed was that there were only two other people there

Elizabeth: um hello

Benjamin: hello darlin glad ye could make it

Elizabeth: um is this everybody

Benjamin: unfortunately yes, everyone else in our family is dead and sugar had no real life friends that I know of so its just you me and hailey

Narrator: elizabeth looked over benjamin’s shoulder to see his shrewd wife standing over sugar’s coffin

Elizabeth: hey mr benjamin I’m really sorry for your loss

Benjamin: thank ya love. I read yer messages to me daughter, I haven’t seen such love in awhile

Elizabeth: um did you read...all of them

Benjamin: I skipped over “certain parts” 

Elizabeth: uh huh 

Benjamin: come on now, let start the service

Narrator: after some brief introductions benjamin went up and said some nice things about sugar, after he was done he invited elizabeth to come up to say a few things, which she accepted

Elizabeth: sugar was the best lover I’ve ever had. I’ve been through awful men, awful women, and just awful people. But sugar….she was as sweet as her name implied. I don’t think I’ll ever find someone as sweet as her. Someone who convinced me to move to America, Albeit I had my thoughts to begin with. But I- I wouldn’t have been so sure about it if it weren’t for her. It saddens me that she took her own life before we could meet in person, and it saddens me more that she didn’t trust me enough to tell me what was wrong. I love sugar, and I mean that in every sense of the word

Narrator: she stepped away, with a quiet applause from benjamin. Elizabeth looked over and noticed hailey looking away, scratching her face

Benjamin: honey do you got anything to say

Hailey: no…..you two said it all

Benjamin: alright, if you are at peace then we’ve said all that needs to be said

Narrator: they spent the rest of the afternoon finishing the service before heading back to benjamin’s house

Benjamin: really thank ye for coming I know this must’ve been out of the way for you

Elizabeth: the pleasure is all mine, I would do anything for her

Benjamin: so would I...here I want you to have this

Narrator: benjamin gave elizabeth a bottle of high end wine

Benjamin: I found this in sugar’s minifridge, it appears that she planned to share it with you on the first night of your arrival

Elizabeth: thank you, I got no one else to share it with. Do you want a glass

Benjamin: ye...ye I do

Narrator: elizabeth and benjamin filled up a pair of wine glasses and began to drink

Elizabeth: I don’t get it benji I really don’t (gulp) I had no idea she was in such a dark place (sip)

Benjamin: me too (gulp) I-I did everything I could to make her happy (gulg) she meant the world to me...I just wish she...she told me something was wrong (gulp). Pour me another will ya

Elizabeth: sure….

Benjamin: so, what are ya gonna do now?

Elizabeth: I already bought the apartment, although it's going to feel rather large now. Starting tomorrow I’ll go back to england and finish packing my stuff. Move here permanently and try and find a job in my field. I hear the industry is much larger here

Benjamin: ye work in robotics right

Elizabeth: yessir

Benjamin: I remember hearing from this lady that her ex husband needed help with something robotic

Elizabeth: really? Do you know where he is

Benjamin: if I heard correctly he owns a small auto repair chain called android auto er something like that. Look into that and ye’ll probably find him 

Elizabeth: thank you

Benjamin: don’t mention it. I wish ye the best of luck and if ye ever need anything, give me a call okay mate

Elizabeth: he he sure thing old man

Narrator: six months later

Elizabeth: um excuse me, are you mr trent doolittle?

Trent: doolittle was my married name. Its mechane now

Elizabeth: right well I heard you were looking for help with a little robotics project? 

Trent: yes as a matter of fact I was

Elizabeth: well I am a college graduate with a robotics major and I’m looking for work

Trent: well you came to the right place, come with me and I’ll show you what I’ve been working on

Narrator: trent directed elizabeth into his house all the way to his garage

Trent:  oh mercy!

Mercy: yes father

Trent: I want you to meet our newest member to our team, this is elizabeth, a robotics major from england

Elizabeth: hello

Mercy: hello, a pleasure to meet you

Trent: come now my daughter, let us show her what we have done so far

Mercy: of course

Narrator: trent, mercy, and elizabeth were then brought to a garage to find an endoskeleton sitting on a table, with several parts scattered around it

Elizabeth: oh I must say its really well built

Trent: thank you, we built it ourselves, isn’t that right mercy

Mercy: correct

Elizabeth: I say, what do you plan on doing with this thing

Trent: I call her, password pal. A special companion that holds on to all of your passwords for you, simply say your name and what you’re trying to get into and she will show you your forgotten password. 

Elizabeth: so just something that keeps track of your passwords for you?

Trent: no no, more than that my dear. There’s still the “pal” part of the name. This robot is supposed to connect to the internet and interact with you in your preferred way by searching what you want and mimicking the found behavior. For example say mercy here wants the robot to pat her head she’d say “password pal I’m feeling down” this would activate the search feature, then mercy would say “can you pat my head” the robot would then search the internet for “head pats” find out what she is talking about an mimic the behavior seen in search results

Elizabeth: that is quite advanced

Trent: but of course, that’s why I found the best to help me

Elizabeth: oh you flatter me

Trent: let us get to work tomorrow

Narrator: elizabeth spent the next two years under trent’s pay, through their work and passion the two fell in love and after a year of being together they got married. However after almost another year elizabeth realized what he was really married to

Elizabeth: come on honey I’m tired, can’t we put a pin in this and have some fun for once 

Trent: I cannot! I must get this part done

Elizabeth: UGH fine, you can work on this all night if you must I am going out to have fun

Trent: as you wish

Narrator: elizabeth left the house and went down to the local bar, bored out of her mind she took a swig of beer and looked around the bar, when she noticed somebody taking in several shots of liquor

elizabeth: hmhmhm

Baunjovi: WHO’S (HIC) LAUGHING!

Elizabeth: I am ya dit

Baunjovi: and who the hell are you

Elizabeth: the name’s elizabeth, and I’ve been having a ball watching you stumble over yourself all night

Baunjovi: shut up lady (HIC)

Elizabeth: you seem like a guy who loses often, wanna win for once

Baunjovi: (hic) yeah 

Elizabeth: come with me

Narrator: baunovi was led to elizabeth’s car and was driven to her house. The two got into a bedroom and undressed

Elizabeth: come on show me you’re a winner

Baunjovi: oh I’m a (hic) winner alright

Narrator: now I’m not allowed to make sexual references (new regulations suck)but I think we all know what happened from then on. 

(knock knock)

Elizabeth: oh shit

trent: HONEY WHY IS THIS DOOR CLOSED!

Elizabeth: I’m uh...married

Baunjovi: WHAT THE FUCK LADY

trent: WHO THE FUCK IS THAT!

Elizabeth: quick go out the window

Baunjovi: aight I’ll--

(CHOP CHOP)

Elizabeth: GO!

Narrator: baunjovi crawled out of the window 

Baunjovi: aint ya coming

Elizabeth: look at me I can;t fit through that

(CHOP)

trent: WHAT THE FUCK

Baunjovi: shit

Elizabeth: I’ll figure something out 

Narrator: baunjovi fled to the window as elizabeth backed into the master bathroom

Trent: you think you can go behind my back and make whoopie with another man eh

Elizabeth: I wouldn't need to if you didn’t spend so much fucking time on that illogical robot!

Trent: HOW DARE YOU!

Narrator: trent swung the axe at elizabeth, who blocked it with the bathroom door, she slammed the door behind her and locked it, soon after trent began chopping at the door with the ax. Elizabeth was trapped, she left her phone in the bedroom, there were no windows in the bathroom, and there was a madman with an ax in front of her. Elizabeth knew that she was going to die. She looked around the bathroom and turned on the bathtub, soon after she plugged in her hairdryer and threw it in and just as trent finished with the door she jumped in

Elizabeth: you’ll never get the pleasure AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAH

(ZZZZZAAAAAAAP)

Elizabeth: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH IT BBBBBBBURNS

-----------------------

Elizabeth: (GASP) where am I!

BS: hell toots, yer in brooklyn hell

Elizabeth: what?

BS: new york hell how clear do I need to make it

Elizabeth: there are different hells now?

BS: ye one for every state in the US and country in the world

Elizabeth: if that’s the case then should't I be in english hell or something?

BS: nah toots that’s not how this works. Ye died in new york so you get sent to new york hell

Elizabeth: so...where do I go now

BS: that…………...isn’t my problem

Elizabeth: well aren’t you helpful

BS: I don’t get paid to be helpful

Elizabeth: wait a minute….this tail...these wings

Narrator: she poked around her mouth 

Elizabeth: these fangs! Am I…..

Narrator: she looked in the nearest mirror

Elizabeth: great scott I’M A SUCCUBUS

BS: yeah you is, according to yer file you were really into succubi in life

Elizabeth: correct

BS: well I guess the gods of irony that control what demon you turn into decided to show you what the succubus life is really like

Elizabeth: oh I’m gonna enjoy this

BS: heh heh heh you got no idea what’s in store for ya

END