Last night I felt really lonely when I was in bed I got cold so I turned my fan off but then it was to quiet and my light was to dark so I turned it off but then I got scared cause I don't like the dark and got so frustrated that I started crying and talking bad stuff about myself cause right before bed I was flickering one of my brothers lights which woke the oldest brother and he said something about me but I couldn't hear it from my room but it still hurt cause I knew it wasn't nice I wanted to cry then but I waited till they went to bed and layed in my bed crying I always feel useless like I don't do enough like I'm just a waist of space and I'm not enough I feel like I have no one to talk to I feel annoying like if I say to much I'll get yelled at or if I speak to loud even though I know it wont happen and the my family love me I just feel left out like the odd one out I've never really had the thought that I fit in or that I'm special at all I have thought about killing myself but I don't want to feel the pain and I don't want to hurt anyone who loves me and I know that I'm pretty young and could have a long life but I feel unwanted and like they are only kind but don't really like me I feel like I'm just in the way and I am real scared to tell them this I am easy to make cry but I try toake myself not cry I try to always be happy for others cause I don't want to bring them down or make them cry I can be judgy sometime but I try not to or I just don't tell them I dont feel like I fit in anywhere