As you may have noticed. a sudden negativiness has popped up in me; and that wasn't so sudden;

since the break up i had to do; as well, traumatic events that forced me to do that, and the aftermath of that has affected me severely. i would have anxiety panic attacks, and blame myself alot, for straight up weeks. that wasn't really a problem because of the good friends that did their best to help me. firstly of all, i need to thank @SuperGamingBrosSGB , @Jcundo and @lucidlotus for trying their best to get me up. After some time, that wasn't a problem. i felt like i moved on already, and i was ready to rewrite my story with sonsone new. but december 2025 has given me signs of legit bad omens for this year.

the end of 2025 was absolutely awful to me. i felt lonely (some people couldn't talk to me, and i couldn't think of what to do, my mind was locked temporarily. it wasn't productive.) and the last day of the year was absolutely terrible and shameful. Ever since 2026 began, days has been absolutely terrible. This is where my depression returned with full blast; abusive family daily shittalking me, saying how much i'm useless, how brat i am, lazy cunt, mentally ill person, autistic bitch, good for nothing,

screaming at me, beating me up. My brother gets me in trouble always, pretends he's crying so i get fucked and pay unfairly. Mom gets drunken, i try to protect him after all everything. it's not dumbness, it's a trauma response.

deception of the family. they always belittle me, and sometimes, physically harm me. the only place i can cry in peace without getting more pressured is my bedroom. Playing videogames entertain me and help me to dodge those thoughts. talking on discord helps me to feel less lonely and i can use as a way to escape my rotten reality, along with drawing, composing. these chain of events, that unfortunately became even more often, like a daily basis has bought me negativeness, and tempting thoughts to go. but i want to remain strong. i think i can do it. i hope. i don't want to make people feel the same when people i admired tool of their lives. i hate my life and i hope this all made you see what i'm going through, if it makes sense to have such negativity lately. i'm really sorry for acting like that lately. But i love you all ❤️

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And haters; remember there's a human behind those screens; you know zero shit about their lives, so instead spitting up shit; just leave them alone.