Nobody cares about me, they're all lying. I'm not worth it, I have no purpose. Everything I do ends up in failure. I was never meant to exist, I was a mistake. I can't do this anymore. I can't keep going when all I do is fuck everything up. The crimson blood drips down my arm, the blade gets dull the more it's used. I need a new one. I don't have the money.
He never cared, no matter how much I tried to fix things with him, no matter how many apologies, no matter how many vulnerable messages I sent him. It'll never change. He hates me and it'll stay that way even after I'm gone. He'll be free of this burden atleast.
My skin is paper and I will cut it. My mental health doesn't matter till I look like a bitch tree. Everything hurts, I can't take it, I can't do it. Drama every time, losing friends left and right.
As I slowly push my friends away I get more lonely, as I refrain from talking to many I can feel my pulse pacing. When that notification pops up on my screen my heart goes a million miles per hours.
He knows what breaks me, he knows what heals me. Yet he chooses the pain, he chooses to harm my mental in a way that makes me harm my physical. I haven't showered since the 21st of February and I only did that time because he told me to. Now he won't, he hates me more than ever with every message I send I harm him so he ends up harming me. It's all my fault, why do I always do the things I do, why do I always fuck everything up.
I just want love, attention, affection, validation.
I'm not even a real boy why do I act like I am? I'll never be a real boy or male-aligned. I'll always be a little girl, I'll always be Skyla no matter how hard I try to be Oliver.
Not that it matters when I'll be gone soon anyways right! Call me insane but I'm done. These thoughts I've had about harming others are overwhelming. I'm not just thinking about harming myself, I'm think of harming everyone else. I'm a danger to myself and others. I shouldn't be here.
I thought these violent murderous thoughts were gone but they're back, I'll never be sane, I'll always be a danger. Nothing will make me worth it. I havent a purpose and don't even try to comfort me you sack of shits I'm done with this I hate everything and I can't live on like such
