I still love drawing, even though I’ve been quite burnt out for basically the past year. the issue is that I don’t have motivation to draw, not because I don’t have any ideas, but because it rarely turns out the way I want it to. I try so hard and spend hours on something, only for it to be sub par from what I wanted or thought I could do. this happens at least 70% of the time I draw, which has led me to mostly drawing doodles for the past….like half a year. I think a big part of that is actually my job, one digital drawing could take up the entirety of my freetime after work, and I only get so many days off a week, so anything that I see as bad is essentially a wasted day in my eyes. and coupled with my intense fear of how fast time is slipping by me now, you get a lovely combination of demotivation and fear of failure. I hate wasting time: I hate sleeping, making food that takes longer than 15 minutes to make, just anything that takes away the precious minutes I have.

i have little to no motivation, and that’s not even considering the things for my shop. I can’t bring myself to even try because I don’t want to waste people’s money on the lackluster items I make.

I keep hoping things will change once I get better at drawing, but I’ve been thinking like that for so many months now.

I’m writing this late at night, so it all sounds very sad and depressing (I swear I’m actually more chill in the day), but I’m tired of having nothing for you guys….i feel guilty everytime I get a charged sticker and know you’re getting the same stickers over and over again…..

I promise I’ll try to fix this, maybe I can get over a lot of these issues if I start animating? we’ll see.

for now….im going to sleep… goodnight everyone