I simply no longer have faith in myself and my ability to protect and help the people around me. Something in me has broken and I have become a fundamentally worse person for it who is a burden on the people around me.

Nonsensical 2's cancelation was due to the OC of a former friend appearing as a boss as a gift to them.

I went to therapy in an attempt to then mend this freindship.

This failed.

As I am not good enough to be WORTH forgiving.

I firmly believe if you are not forgiven by those you wronged you are not absolved.

Therefore I am beyond redemption.

I have failed in my objectives at every turn and become someone depressing and stressful to be around. A burden. A burden not WORTH forgiving.

Today was the day I felt that thing BREAK.

That ambition.

That strength.

I have always severely downplayed my mental illness.

Reaching out for help to the few people I still speak to has proven, to no fault of their own, unable to restore that part of myself. The part that helped people and created and wanted to be better.

I cannot finish my creation.

And I have no desire to burden the people around me fruitlessly.

Maybe I wouldn't be so hard on myself if me reaching out for more support from the people I love allowed me to continue my goals in a healthier way for everyone.

But it doesn't cause I can't do anything.

So it merely burdens.

This is the cause of my retirement.

If I have blocked you know you are not at fault and I wish you only the best.

I wish you all only the best.