As a now teenager who has a platform that people love and know me for, I wanted to say this thank you so much for supporting me and my other stuff that I create with my 2 hands

And now it's time for the self reflection

LOOKING BACK

Looking back on how I acted towards people and looking how I was posting was....in my opinion pretty fucking stupid to be honest and real to you. And being online for so long kinda fucked my life over

(Sorry if I sound like viziepop lol)

And by that I mean me saying "I'm going to leave and never come back" or something along the lines of "someone please make R34 of me so I could end it" or something (yes I did say that as a either 12 or 13 year old) and that "fight" I had with someone name bad time gaming. It was cringy yes I know but I can't really do much about it

Yes I could delete it in shouts but it will be ingraved into my mind

Not to mention about the real life part

Life....has not giving me many favors but I still managed to pull through despite knowing that it'll be for absolute nothing

And im honestly really scared of hitting 18, I know when people are 18 they get to finally get out of the house but for me it's like my childhood is already over and all I got from it was constant mistakes and trauma which is not what a child should go through and the stress the world is gonna have for me

As you all may know I failed 7th grade twice in a row (yeah I know laugh it up) and since I'm finally in 9th grade despite me not feeling any and I mean ANY type of happy feeling I already know what to expect from the world and what it has in store for me, so I dont really want anyone to gaslight or tell me a lie that i already know and I just want to add on a bit and take about personal stuff (will come back to this soon)

PERSONAL STRUGGLES

my personal struggles in life hasn't been much better, I'm constantly at least trying to finish FNAS!ADVANCED a little, and having to deal with the fact that I officially have 3 siblings and I'm the only oldest one who actually does shit around the house constantly asking my mother if she needs help meanwhile 2 are basically doing nothing and 1 just loves being bad and on top of that I have a stepfather who don't seem to care about me and my 2 other siblings but "cares" for his daughters that he gave the world to by my mother and a son who I don't want to air out what he has been doing to him so....let's just say they don't have a good father and son relationship to put it lightly. Basically in my house it chaotic, no surprise there and remember how I said this was "PERSONAL"? Yeah so funny thing, I kinda and, desperately wanted to be in a real life relationship with someone so I don't feel alone in the future but worried that I might fuck it up or I might be in a really abusive relationship. Not saying I'm in a abusive relationship but just worry I could be in one in the future but even if I get into one im uncertain about myself personally. And I know this is gonna be me just rolling out my feelings but I'm very much self aware enough (but not much) to know I'm not fit for a job nor to become an adult I dunno what I'm going to do or what to say or even act....I know what my dream is, to be a animator but I know the animation industry is basically cooked along with me believing that this world is crumbling to pieces because of COVID-19 and most importantly me

And I know I shouldn't be thinking about that but it's kinda true, the COVID thing is what I feel like I'm never really gonna be either happy or have something to be excited to

I feel like posting screenshots of media on Twitter is kinda cringe and stupid in a way so... there's that

And also I'm not suicidal or anything but the way my life is going im surprised I even lasted this long despite everything that has happen

But that doesn't mean the sadness and the anxiety and emptiness goes away it doesn't it kind of stayed. Reason why I said it kind of stayed it's because I'm slowly starting to feel kinda depressed but I'm mainly angry and pissed off most of the time and in my mind that isn't going to get me anywhere or anything

And for the most part. I hate being angry or pissed because it feels like I'm kinda pushing myself to be pissed off like how (the real izaiah not the bear) love to piss me off in every way he can and even when my stepbrother is around (and I know he's 12) but he should know that its gonna cause me to do something to him im going to regret later on in life so I have to force myself to try to get away from here and when each time I go to my other sisters room to hang out or check up on her she just tells me to get out like I did something to her even tho I most of the time don't do anything but joke around and support her. And lastly my mother I love her deeply but my god when she says she's not gonna do something anymore, she goes behind our back and does it anyway and I honestly think im the only one with an actual and kind of functional brain and that's the thing I hate being the only one doing stuff around here I hate it, but I'm going to have to get used to it. I'm stuck in a 16 year old body and I'm slowly seeing the world crumble and my family changing to become kinda unrecognizable and it sucks it really does suck....that's where my personal struggles ends. Now the question you all will be asking

WHATS NEXT WITH YOUR GAMES AND SERIES YOU'VE CREATED

Im not gonna give up on these series and games I created and decided myself I'm still gonna continue them even if im an adult but for nights with faker it's still gonna be in the hands of @Notiming if they're gonna do anything with it they can. And I can comeback as a artist or something

Five Nights At Ezort's I have other ideas for it so stay tuned (still gonna remain in a hitaus till further notice)

And FNAS!ADVANCED is still being heavily worked on as we speak I'm doing the main menu sprite for needlemouse and miles so don't u worry and speaking of those two we officially have voice actors for them so expect to hear them speak a lot more

So yeah sorry I didn't get to the first half I'm writing this on my tablet and it's kinda hard to manage and or type so imma keep it short ig

(update: im fixing this with my computer so expect some changes)

Anyway hope you guys are having a great day or....night depending on where u are

And if u wish to be like me in anyway.....DONT

anyways that's all for now see ya!!!