Hey everyone,

First off, I want to apologize for my long absence and for not being able to communicate much over these past few months. A lot has been going on in my life, and it’s been incredibly tough for me to balance everything. I feel like I owe you all an explanation, especially to those of you who have been waiting for updates on my projects like The Return to Bloody Nights.

A few months ago, I lost my brother, and it’s been devastating for me and my family. On top of that, my parents are aging, and I’ve had to travel a lot to be with family in Russia and Ukraine, which has drained us financially. We’re also facing difficult family disputes, with people fighting over my brother’s property. His wife, who caused him severe depression, is now trying to claim what he left behind, and that’s caused a lot of stress for all of us. And the other part that is in Ukrainia, I got uncles there who are very sick and unfortunately do not agree politically with my mother which causes also stress.

Beyond family struggles, I’ve been going through my own personal battles. I’ve seen things online and witnessed cruelty that has left me traumatized. It’s hard to understand how people can be so disgusting and cruel, and it’s left me questioning a lot about the world. It's freaking depressing to see what people are capable of and it makes me wonder if I will be even able to live long enough. I also got depressed with my own expression, of art, of love too. I'm not sure anymore if anything i do matters or i possibly cause harm to people I try to be with. On top of that, I’ve been struggling with fears, laziness, and depression, which have held me back from achieving the things I want to do.

I have dreams of making a name for myself, but the idea of fame scares me too. I know that being in the spotlight can bring both positive and negative attention, and I worry about what people might say or do to me, whether they mean harm or good. I want to be recognized for my hard work, but these fears have been keeping me from moving forward the way I need to. (There are still very powerful people in the community who have great pressure on me and that opression makes me sick, I wish they would forgive and forget but they are always watching and always looking for a way to put me down, dox me or else.)

I was planning to make some content, maybe Digital Art, sell models for money or make Youtube short animations. Making kids brainrot content brings tons fo money and i really need them now but my morality just stops me from going into that direction. I don't want to make trash or cause suffer to other people for personal gain, I feel already bad that this content is already out there. It's temptation is huge but also my honesty and purpose of my life isn't letting me go that path, I will not sell my soul. But I will be struggling alot anyway if I don't do anything.

For those wondering about The Return to Bloody Nights, I know I promised an update several months ago, and I feel terrible for not delivering it. I also started work on a VR version with @RyptideGames , but unfortunately, the team has gotten really busy, and we haven’t been able to talk or work together lately. This situation upsets me a lot, as I was really excited to push that project forward, but it’s now at a standstill.

On top of everything, my health has taken a toll. I’ve started balding, which has pushed me further into depression, making it harder to stay motivated. I still want to make games and push my creative projects forward, but it’s been extremely difficult to balance my mental and physical health with everything else going on.

To add to that, I’ve been disappointed by people I thought were my friends. People I trusted and had faith in have let me down, and it hurts. But I also realize that I haven’t been perfect myself. I’ve made mistakes, and I understand that some people may have become disinterested in my work or even in me as a person because of that.

Right now, I’m trying to rebuild. I’ve been learning UE5, Blender, and digital art to expand my skillset and, hopefully, find some financial stability. I don’t want to be stuck in this situation for long. My mother is not doing well either, and she’s planning to move to another country within the year, which will make it even harder for me to be close to my family. This has put more pressure on me to act fast and make something of myself before time runs out.

I’m still interested in game development and pushing forward with my projects, even though I’ve let some people down with broken promises. I also feel anger and disappointment toward the people who have abandoned or hurt me, but I know I have to move on and work on my own now—essentially, I’m in survival mode.

Despite everything, I still have ideas for future games. I’ve been working on a really interesting horror game concept about being on a ship in the middle of the ocean, where a dangerous AI creature infects and transforms people into cyborg monsters made of flesh and machinery. It’s something I’m excited about, but it’s probably a long way off with everything going on in my life right now.

To everyone who has supported me so far—thank you. I’m sorry if I’ve let anyone down, but I’m trying my best to get back on my feet. I hope to return stronger and more focused soon.

Take care for now, Aleksandr Elzov (Kazovsky)