I live with a hybrid eating disorder. It doesn’t fit neatly into one box, but the patterns I experience most closely resemble ARFID (Avoidant/Restrictive Food Intake Disorder) and Binge Eating Disorder (BED).

🌫️ ARFID

I often skip meals for days. I eat only when absolutely necessary, like when I need to take medication. I’ve refused food even when it’s offered, especially in public or performative settings. This isn’t about body image. It’s about trauma, emotional overwhelm, and needing control over when and how I nourish myself. Hunger doesn’t always show up clearly, and when it does, I don’t always trust it.

🔄 BED Traits

When I do eat, I sometimes eat very quickly and in large portions. I’m often the first to finish my food, especially at school. It’s not about indulgence, it’s about urgency. My body rushes to replenish after long periods of restriction. Sometimes I eat without hunger, just to avoid being seen as “starving” or “suspicious.” That’s not gluttony, it’s survival.

💧 Hydration Neglect

I don’t drink unless I have to. Some days, I skip hydration entirely. It’s not rebellion, it’s a forgotten ritual I’m still learning to reclaim.

🛡️ Why I’m Sharing This

My eating disorder isn’t about vanity or appearance. It’s about trauma, control, and misunderstood rituals. I’m not broken, I’m adaptive. I’m learning to listen to my body, even when its signals are quiet or confusing. If you see me eat fast, refuse food, or skip meals, don’t assume. Ask gently. Witness with care.