So basically my mom found my gamejolt again and she is mad at me for talking to ‘strangers’ when they honestly help me.

Plus how the fvck can I talk to my good friend V?

Or like they don’t make me wanna drink poison so like mom… 

She hates me being gay

She hates my style 

She hates my personality 

She wishes she got an athlete instead of an artist 

She saids she misses when I was basically confused on who I was but now that I know who I am she hates me 

Even tho she saids she loves me a lot

It makes me believe I deserve to die 

Like they when they supposedly found out I want to ‘ get a knife and do myself ‘ when she was yelling at me one day she says well what is it ( irl name)  already wants hurt yourself!! 

She sounded so disappointed 

But my dads nice but he is not the best person to vent to 

Or if I slow down for one second or make a mistake he gives me a lecture about how I should “improve “

But he always goes to spanking me cause that was my older sister’s and older brother’s punishment.

But I get it though I feel like I’m already emotionally hurt effort by what you say….

つ﹏ɵ̷̥̥᷅ it's like please stop I wanna tell you I wanna drink poison but you don't listen... 

Like the time i was sad and I yell I wanna " KIND MYSELF)". He ran up and also killed me... Than yelled " NEVER THINK THOSE THINGS"  he believes everything has to be happy so if I'm sad he just saids be happy! 

•́︿•̀ I tell them I'm good but that's not true because if I tell them the truth there going to be so disappointed... 

Or when I tell my therapist about how I believe my mom is always in the spotlight but I deserve at least a little lightbulb when it comes to social she saids it's good because i do but then...My dad just goes to my age and yells about how I should get off 

When I don't wanna quit 

Because my online friends are there the people who make me less alone I don't tell you sh*t because your just going to snoop around my very nice online life... 

So but I feel like this time there going to find. out about me drinking poison and now. I'm scared...