"Man I woke up next to a fuckin burger I don't even know what happened dawg"

"We suck fuckin ass" (in a Herbert from family guy voice)

"I want a pp&j"

"I'M NOT GAY" -me

"REDACTED is molesting meeeeeee" -friend

"HEY.....STOP.........𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝'𝚜 𝚖𝚢 𝚓𝚘𝚋" -me

"whats something you lost in a coin flip" -friend

"my virginity" -me

"I am going to eat a newborn child"