Its been a long time, fellas.

The last time I made a post of actual importance was about 2 years ago. And within the span of those two years, a lot changed in my life. And I want to talk about that. But before I do, I want to illustrate a couple of things:

1. This post will talk about both my personal life.

2. Game development and projects I am currently working on.

3. The Future, and Life going forward.

All of these have been outlined in there own sections, so if you want to skip over some and look over what you think is of interest, feel free. I'd rather you read this whole post, but I can't blame you if you aren't interested in my personal affairs.

I want to warn that this post will get graphic as I will go into some details that I normally do not discuss or shed light on. A lot of people who know me personally will be familiar with some of the details of what has happened to me but I may have included additional details if I forgot to mention them. I apologize with how concerning some of this will be to read, especially to those not familiar with me or who haven't kept in contact in a while, but please trust me when I say I am in a significantly better place then I was beforehand.

1. What happened to you?

Unfortunately, through the end of 2023 and mid 2024, I was suffering from a buildup of anxiety and depression that slowly started to consume my life. This has been a part of my life for a while now and has been difficult to overcome. I just became a lot sadder and exhausted, and was losing my spark. I just couldn't see a point to living any longer, and this put a dark shadow over my entire life that I never felt before. I'm blessed that I did not hurt myself or take any serious action against my life, and for that I can thank you to those around me who have cared about me and watched my state. Things got better about March/April as I went on a trip to Hawaii that really helped brighten my mood and leveled me out.

Then near the end of 2024, I graduated from High School, and over the summer I just went absolutely insane working on projects. I got time to relax that I hadn't been able to in a while. However, as a result of putting myself through so much stress game development wise, my anxiety slowly started to come back, and yet I was working myself to the bone. This was extremely unhealthy and it led to me burning myself out at the end of the year. As I worked rigorously on my own projects, entering into college and working a part-time job, my body started to collapse, and I began to fall apart.

I began to see a therapist around this time who has helped me through a lot of my issues, and still does. I am thankful for him, but unfortunately I was being stubborn at the time and was still putting myself through too much unnecessary stress.

At some point I got into a car crash in January 2025 and was taken to the hospital. I am fine now, and the other person involved is okay too, but it was a nerve wracking experience and rattled me. Looking back now, the medicine I was on at the time caused me a lot of issues, and effectively zombified me, which is why I believe I got into the car crash. It was too strong, and was not right for me. I wasn't thinking straight, and it only damaged me more. I ended up switching over to a different medicine entirely that was better for me but did effect my normal state of being and energy. I no longer have to take it so I am roughly back to my how I felt before. Again, thankfully neither me or the other individual suffered from any serious injury so we were okay, and I recovered from it quickly.

Later I shattered in the beginning of February, and suffered from two episodes that emerged from my suicidal thoughts. They had return sometime before this but were gradually getting more and more extreme, recurring at what felt like every corner I turned. During those two episodes, I endured my first ever panic attacks. To anyone who has ever dealt with one or something remotely similar, it is a horrible experience, and brings on such an intense level of fear and terror that leads you to feel like you are literally going to die. As I endured them, I suffered from hallucinations on of myself committing suicide over and over again in different ways, and I couldn't make them stop. I feared for my life, and I did not know what to do. I just broke down, and desperately tried to put myself back together, but couldn't. I didn't want to see them, and feared leaving or going anywhere. I was in so much fear and pain that I felt lifeless, and couldn't do anything. I broke. I couldn't bare to see myself hurting myself over and over again. And seeing those horrible images in my head of my body desiccated and torn apart caused me an indescribable amount of agony. I pray non of you ever have to go through that.

After that, I lost any will to do anything for an entire month, effectively laying in bed all day, and getting up to eat meals, only to lay in a stupor. Even after my panic attacks, I still dealt with constant suicidal ideations that physically and mentally exhausted me, and caused me to want to shut off from everything around me. And yet, it was also through the help of my loved ones around me who motivated me and helped me out so much that helped me to get back on my feet. Those were probably the worst days of my entire life and every second of it spent with or by people who cared and helped me allowed me to recover faster then I could otherwise.

I ended up picking up new hobbies to help me out so that I could recover properly, like exercise and working out. Changing my diet also helped as well, and taking myself away from my computer especially It taught me how much more there is outside of the little bubble I was in, and allowed me to properly shift back into a normal state of function.

I want to interrupt my thought here and mention to everyone reading this post to please also realize how important it is to take care of your mental health. There are others around you who love you, who care about you, and who genuinely want the best for you. Don't be afraid to share the stress going on in your life. Don't be afraid to tell them you are feeling down, or that you are hurting. Never be scared to tell people about the fact you are suffering from suicidal ideations. You do not have to live in the darkness. You can live in the light if you choose to, so others can see you. You don't have to be alone, and you really do matter. Don't berate yourself over and over again and lose yourself to your mind and take the plunge and mortally injure yourself. Please recognize that your life really does have value, and importance. Not enough people who suffer like that are willing or want to talk about their depression or pain, but we need to. If you don't tells others about what's happening, then no one can help you. Please take me as an example of someone who did not want to succumb and did end up talking to people, and how much it helped me. Please remember that there are others around you who are willingly to help you and support you in times like these.

But throughout all of this, I want to highlight the most important thing through all of this while it was happening. And that is my faith in the Lord Jesus Christ.

(Art not by me)
I have never brought up my faith with people as previously it was not an active enough part of my life, but about a year and a half ago I genuinely gave my life over to Jesus, and since then He has changed my life dramatically. The Lord has helped me through my darkest hours, and has changed me into a better man then I ever dreamed to be. Obviously, I still have a long ways to go, but I want to give all the glory and honor to Him for everything He has done in my life. If it were not for Him, I would have committed suicide and took my own life.

He has given me new vigor and life than I ever could have thought I could have, and now I have a greater purpose in life in that all things I do are to glorify and bring honor to Him, and I am happy to do so. I know the message of God's Son is a beautiful, life-transforming, living story that so many people need to hear, despite the difficulties that come from hearing God's Truth. The Gospel means so much to me, and I believe it can heal many people especially in this community. I want to talk more about my faith in the future but I am not sure how to do that right now, but it means a lot to me.

While I could talk more about my testimony in this post, I believe that is deserving of a completely separate post since it would go into a lot more that would take serious time and dedication to write. For now though, I would like to end off this section with one of my favorite verses from the Bible, from the Book of Revelation.

And seeing as Christmas time is here as well, I wanted to highlight another lovely verse as well, Isaiah 9:6.

The good news is since I would say roughly June I have been on the up, although it has taken time for me to recover. Its taught me a lot about patience, and properly balancing my life. But I am happy that I have progressed from where I was previously. And that despite setbacks along the way, I've kept on kicking.

Now, its been a long time since I actually talked about game projects I have worked on, and ones I am still working on, so here is a follow up on that to keep you all in the know.

2. Projects I have/am currently working on.

The Return to Freddy's: Anniversary Edition by @Juan_Reviews was a project I really, really enjoyed working on. In fact, if it were not for me, this projects original release and Major Update probably would have never come out. Its a project me and the team I collaborated with this on poured a lot of love and care into, and so I highly suggest you all go check it out and play it.

With the Major Update we released, it really was a treat to work on. We did a done of work on rebalancing the game in addition to remaking/rendering renders and animations. Finally, we added a content update, Night 8, that will be quite the surprise to people when the see it. Please go give it a spin, because it's a very fun game with a surprisingly unique mechanics and a difficult yet rewarding gameplay loop.

I am actually planning on making a developer commentary on this project because I did so much for it, so expect that coming soon. Huge shoutout to the entire team for all the work we did, and for Juan for inviting me onto it. In fact, I am planning on collaborating with him and others more on some future projects, so stay tuned for that.

Five Nights with Orville's, in collaboration with @SwitchgearTeam , has been a difficult yet rewarding project to work on. It has dealt with a lot of trials and difficulties during its development, but its a action packed project I imagine a lot of people will truly enjoy.

Not too much to say here since most of this is on the game page but we are hoping to get this out in early 2026. I suggest checking out the game page soon as we will probably be making a post talking on its development, as it has been rough.

Seadog's Customizable Nights is a...
weird project to say the least.

This one has had a lot of development issues, but it is a project I still want to release. Will it be to the same size/scale I wanted it to be originally? No. But it will be at the very least a project people can play and give some enjoyment over. Its not dead, if it looked like it. Its just in a state of limbo due to me procrastinating on it over the years.

It definitely does not meet my standard for projects nowadays and has visibly aged (as it's graphics were made in SFM, hence a lot of problems in development), but its one I want to release. Hopefully sometime this year. The majority of the game is coded, it just needs to be finetuned and a couple of assets need to be produced, but it can surely be worked out if I give it the time.

This is on the end of the spectrum though, so do not expect anything for it in awhile.

And last but not least,

Repairs with Freddy: Overtime.

This game WILL come out. I want to clarify that this project is by NO means cancelled. In fact, the majority of all of the visual assets are done! Probably a good 70%? This game is a project that was always going to come out, its just suffered from lots of setbacks due to this not only being my first ever professional project in Blender, but also because I made some major mistakes when planning. I will be making a development post soon explaining what has been happening with the project, and what needs to be done.

I will go into a post sometime soon explaining why this project has been taking so long, but my goal is to hopefully kick off some new teasers soon. My goal is to release this project either February/March. Its been in development long enough, and I know for a fact that I CAN release it, I just have to put my mind to it. When I look back on the work I did for TRTF:AE, it showed me how I can really put myself through my paces if I am serious enough and strive to release a project.

And so I am going to do my all to make sure this happens, because this project means a lot to me still, and I am ashamed I haven't been able to finish it earlier. But I believe I can do it. And I will do it. I've just got to put the petal to the metal. To people who have stuck by me for a while in development, get ready, because its going to be a crazy ride the next few months. For those like the voice actors reading this post, believe me when I tell you your work is going to get used. All of the art, all of the models, everything for it will be done.

We've just got to make it to the finish line, and then we're almost there.

: )

3. Closing Thoughts and Gratitude.

This has not been the ideal year for me. I didn't expect it to go any of the ways that it did, but in the end, I did it.

I am still here.

Had to do it. ;)

In all seriousness, this was a hard year for me. And I really did fight for my life, trying to keep afloat. But thanks to all of those around me, and most importantly my Lord, I've survived. And I am going to keep on walking, running, and never give up. I'm gonna be honest, I'm in tears writing this post because I didn't think I could do it, but I really am here right now. I thought I was a goner, but I'm not. I wanted to write this for so long, since those two months ago (as to the weird GJ posts where I said I was gonna post something soon but didn't). Its been rough to try getting out since I now work a full time job and as stated earlier I do college as well, but...

I finally did it.

And I couldn't go without thanking those close to me, so here is a list of those who I am grateful for everything in no particular order.

@MalakaiButterfly , @Phasma , @Juan_Reviews , @MaximumElevapor , @celesware, @jayfolder , @jnity , Radical Rendy, @BubyGamer11 , @Sunset64 , @SherryZMax , @kiroloser , @jennybastard , Spongi 124...

...and the list could go on. If there were people I forgot to include in here or I just couldn't find your Gamejolt, or whatever social media, you know who you are. To those I know in person, like my friends and family, you are included as well.

I am thankful for you all. I love you guys so much, and it means a lot to me that you let me be around you, and that you care about how I am doing. Whenever you ask me if you want me to hang out with you, or you've reached out to me personally, you have no idea how much I appreciate it. Thank you for being there to listen to me even when can be a little awkward at times. Or when I thought I had lost it all. Being able to simply hear your voices helped so much.

And thank you to all of you who have followed me over the years since the very beginning. Whether you have actively been watching my posts are content, or you started recently following me, thank you. The fact you are invested enough in my work to look at it to any degree warms my heart. I know this year hasn't really been a good year for me in regards to my own personal work due to everything but that is okay.

I'm sorry to all of you who know me and who I haven't expressed as much about my situation too. Its been a lot, and I apologize if I have kept you in the dark. To people like my VAs who volunteered to work on Repair's with Freddy: Overtime, I know you have probably been waiting for a response and so I hope this will suffice.

Thank you all so much for reading, and I hope you all have a great night. I'll keeping on chugging a long, choo-choo-ing along the way. As long as I can until I can't anymore.

God bless you all, and I sincerely hope you had a very merry Christmas, a wonderful Happy New Year.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SXRteMSSZ14