Narrator: our story begins at the mile high club, lusi had just finished with a client and was standing by the window catching her breath

Client: thanks lusi, that was (yawn) amazing

Lusi: you’re welcome

Narrator: the client then stretched his arms and thrust them outward in a punching motion, knocking lusi in the face and sending her out the window

Client: oh shit! I’m sorry

Narrator: but lusi couldn’t hear his apology, the punch rendered her unconscious and falling from the top floor of the mile high club, and well we all know what happens when you fall from that height

Lusi: mmm where am I

God: in the abyss, you died in hell

Lusi: I did!? What’s gonna happen to me now

God: come with me

Narrator: god grabbed lusi’s hand and brought her to heaven, on the way up lusi saw a black and white figure fly by, she couldn’t tell what it was but it felt important. Soon after she appeared in heaven

God: try and walk through this barrier

Narrator: lusi walked into what looked like a glass wall, as she expected she was unable to pass

God: I see, this is quite the anomaly

Lusi: what? What do I do?

God: according to your file you’re too good for hell, but not good enough for heaven

Lusi: oh come on, please! You can’t rob me out of heaven twice

God: well there is one loophole

Lusi: what is it!? I’ll do anything (and I do mean anything)

God: you are allowed to live in heaven if you are doing heavenly work

Lusi: so I need to get a job to live here

God: not just any job, a job that directly benefits heaven

Lusi: what can I do, what jobs are open

God: well lusi you’re in luck. Our last spirit guide is on the road to retirement so you could very well take his place

Lusi: spirit guide? What’s that

God: spirit guides go to the living world to guide ghosts after they die, good ghosts are given their destiny while bad ghosts are sent to hell. It is your job to give good ghosts their destiny and to punish bad ghosts

Lusi: seems simple enough

God: good, I’ll get in contact with some training ghosts to help you 

Lusi: wait can;t I at least see my parents before I go on the job

God: you can’t come in until you’re in the system, we’ll have you in by the end of the day. For now focus on your training 

Narrator: god then snapped his fingers and lusi was teleported to a random room with a few familiar faces surrounding her

Brenda: hi lusi

Chara: so you’re sans’s replacement

Lusi: wait? You guys are my trainers?

Chara: ya, me and the others are going to be on earth for awhile so we were the best choices

Lusi: huh, neat...so how are you guys going to train me

chara:eh we’ll wing it

Brenda: shouldn’t we tell lusi about...well you know

Lusi: what?

Chara: come with me

Narrator: chara led lusi to the kitchen where a very drunk brooklyn satan was sulking

BS: one min-minute ya (HIC) got a woman ya llllllove (HIC) the the the next min (HIC) minute shes fukin gone (HIC) fuk me this sucks

Chara: he came yesterday and just started drinking...and crying...mostly crying

Lusi: uh brooks

BS: I can still hear her voice, FUCK (snore)

Chara: thank god he’s finally asleep

William: vincent’s going to be pissed when he finds out BS raided his fancy wine cabinet

Brenda: where is he anyway

Chara: he’s handling my kids birthday party, speaking of which I need to be there for them. We’ll start training tomorrow

Lusi: this is going too fast for me

Brenda: wanna sit down

william: hey help me get this guy out of here, we don’t want him getting killed on us

Narrator: william and lusi moved a now unconscious BS into one of the guest rooms

(thump thump thump)

Lusi: the hell is that

William: ah its probably mange running around the vents again

Narrator: mange then poked her head out of the vent 

Mange: wasn’t me

William: eh it could be anybody, you’d be surprised how many people go in there, hell I do sometimes 

Lusi: okay

Narrator: lusi and william then went back to the living room where lusi finally got to sit down and process what had happened, lusi and brenda got to talking and lusi filled brenda in on what she didn’t know

Brenda: golly, you’ve had quite a day haven’t ya

Lusi: yeah, I’ve gone from hell to heaven to here in like an hour or two 

Brenda: oh bless ya, anything I can do to help you relax

Lusi: no, I just need to sit and process this 

Brenda: alrighty then

Narrator: lusi sat there longer than she expected, eventually falling asleep on the couch. She woke up later that night to the sound of growling

Lusi: e-eh what

Funtime mange: (growl)

Lusi: (yawn) aren’t you the one that doesn’t talk

Funtime mange: (bark)

Lusi: what, do I need to take you outside or something

Narrator: funtime mange rolled her eyes and nodded her head, signaling lusi to follow her

Lusi: alright alright

Narrator: funtime mange led lusi to the kitchen where a rustling could be seen on the counter

Lusi: what is this a raccoon or something

Narrator: lusi grabbed a frying pan and turned on the light, only to find something she didn’t recognize staring back at her

Lusi: AH!

???: AH!
Lusi: what the hell is that

Funtime mange: (BARK)

Narrator: the creature was red and purple, with hair that covered its face, little pointy fangs, a tiny body and little bat like wings as well. It was sitting on the counter covered in what looked like cake

Lusi: what are you

???: I am your assigned comfort creature

Lusi: comfort creature?

???: yes, I am here to help you comfort ghosts that need comforting

Lusi: ...wut

???: ghosts get sad, I make them less sad

Lusi: you know what this isn’t even the weirdest thing I’ve seen today I shouldn’t be surprised. Do you have a name?

???: comfort creatures do not have names, our name changes based on who we are comforting

Lusi: what?

???: do you need comforting

Lusi: maybe a little bit

???: then you give me a name

Lusi: um okay um uh fizgig how about that

Fizgig: from now on you shall refer to me as fizgig, you girl on all fours, do you need comforting

Funtime mange: (bark)

Fizgig: than I shall be referred to as (bark) by you. You, tall girl in the dark do you need comforting

Lusi: what?

Narrator: lusi turned around and say baby coming out of the darkness

Baby: MY CAKE!

Funtime mange: (bark)

Baby: sorry OUR CAKE!

Fizgig: I like sugar

Baby: I was going to eat that

Lusi: it’s like one AM 

Baby: don’t judge me

Fizgig: do you need comforting

Baby: yes 

Fizgig: what shall my name be

Baby: little cake snatching cretan

Fizgig: then you shall refer to me as cake snatching cretan from now on. Is there anybody else that needs comforting 

Lusi: um….no

Fizgig: good now I can get to comfort. Who here needs comforting the most

Baby: I DO you ate my cake

Fizgig: I did not eat all of the cake if you want what’s left   

Baby: you know what..,I’ll take it

Fizgig: here you go

Baby: thank you

Narrator: baby then took the remains of the cake and left

Fizgig: you, girl with sunglasses, how can i comfort you

Funtime mange: (bark)

Fizgig: I see

Narrator: fizgig then went over to funtime mange and patted her head

Fizgig: you want head pats

Funtime mange: (purr)

Fizgig: you sir, do you need comforting

Lusi: sir?

Fizgig: not you, you later, I’m talking to the guy behind you

Lusi: wut

BS: the

lusi/BS: HELL!

BS: lusi! You’re alive!

Lusi: yes, and scared shitless

BS: sorry about sneakin up on ya

Fizgig: do you need comforting

BS: no thank you...whatever you are

Fizgig: I am here if you are in need of comforting

BS: lusi I thought you were dead

Lusi: well, when I died god told me I was too good for hell, but he also told me I’m not good enough for heaven, I had to get a job as a spirit guide to get anywhere, or something like that I’m still processing

Fizgig: are you still in need of comforting

BS: what’s with...this

Lusi: apparently she’s like my assistant or something

Fizgig: comfort creature

Lusi: yeah that

BS: huh neat, wanna head to bed and talk about this in the mourning

Fizgig: will there be cuddles

Lusi: oh yeah me and BS are totally going to “cuddle”

Fizgig: I love cuddles, can I be cuddled to

Lusi: maybe after me and BS are done with our own “special” cuddling

Fizgig: I want to know what special cuddling feels like

BS: trust me...no ya don’t

Fizgig: aw 

END