I'm gonna be honest and can't hide it anymore, to start off, for my whole life it's been pretty hard to make friends, I've never went to normal school only once when I was younger but the distance couldn't work for my parents, so home schooling was the only way, thus making it impossible to find a love interest or friends ever, so making friends was impossible. Around 2015 was the first interaction I honestly had with friends over Xbox Live and got to be friends with two for over 3 years, They were the best friends I had but time came and went, so slowly they started taking the games more seriously and growing hatred towards each other and not long after they stopped communication with each other and started becoming more self centered, they didn't like me still being friends with the other and wanted me to choose one or the other. So I just ended up no longer friends with both. I was pretty depressed cause I had nobody to hang out with and in real life I'm pretty nervous and shy to be around others. Around 2017 I started officially gaming on Steam (Had the account made since 2015 but never used it.) Because the Xbox community became super toxic and DDoS was common for me and others playing Call of Duty. So I left Xbox for good and made some friends on Left 4 Dead 2 one of which was my girlfriend for 2 years, I hesitated on dating her cause online relationships don't really workout and haven't in the past for me. After 2 years I found out she cheated on me (as I talked about in a post a while back).. and the other friend back stabbed me to rip off my ideas for mods. I was very depressed and honestly only wanted to care for myself to where I am now. It's hard to trust anyone who wants to be my friend without them wanting to fucking use me. Since near the end of 2019 I wanted to try and befriend some of the people of gamejolt to chill and hang out and make some permanent friendships with me on Steam I had hesitation of this idea, but decided to anyways I managed to meet Bherbrus a very great friend who I still hang out with today but knowing my friendships don't really last long it'll probably end within 2 years :/ and nobody on GameJolt wanted to befriend me besides a few and soon enough I became friends with @TheGentlemanSir @Mark_4_Productions but we've never even once voice chatted yet and I've been wanting to communicate more with good people. It's now to the point where it made me question my ability to make content, I feel used and left out, I've also be debating on cutting commentary out of my channel entirely cause my voice is fucking annoying and honestly for the 5 years I've been on YouTube comments are pretty dead cause they know it's fucking boring or cringe. Along with only having 400 subs compared to Ficha who's only been on for 2 years or Mark_4 who's both passed the 1k mark already. Maybe people only friended them cause they make high quality stuff otherwise nobody would care about them idk. I'm not mad for having a low sub amount but even they get nice comments, while I'm trying to make watch worthy content that inspires me by Vinesauce Vinny who just enjoys gaming and doesn't make tons of jump cuts. Stuff like this has made me question my ability's to make content and thus ending most of my projects in Blender or Clickteam. I was gonna build my new PC specifically for streaming but nobody tunes in anyways so I'll probably just return the parts, I sometimes have confidence to become a great streamer/YouTuber and have boosts of hope with a friend like Bherbrus but it's me feeling like nobody else is around cares but myself and the negative comments I get from others just proves it. Thank you for reading.