[Intro begins]

Candle: Greetings one and all

Welocme to the BFDI and Inanimate Insanity 2024 Tour, my name is Candle

Golf Ball: And I am the Magnificent Golf Ball! Please, hold your applause.

Before we initiate the festivities, it is the upmost importance that you pay attention to our presentation on how to have 'Proper Theater Etiquette'

[curtains slide]

Candle: We want this to be an enjoyable expirience for everyone. So please be mindful of those around you by respecting their personal space.

All photography and video recording are strictly prohibited during the screening.

Golf Ball: If you are found recording the screen, there is a 100% chance you will be FORCEFULLY EJECTED FROM THE THEATRE!

[fan screaming]

Candle: so please be present with us in the moment, and keep cellphones and cameras put away until after the screening.

Golf Ball: There will not be an Intermission between episodes, so, please, stay in your seats for the entire show!

Tennis Ball: woah, WOAH, WOAH! AH! OOH!

Candle: If, for any reason, you need to leave the screening early-

Tennis Ball: OOF! OOF!

Candle: -please be mindful of others and exit quietly.

Golf Ball: In the end of a scientific or other-worldly disaster, DON'T PANIC!

Candle: Please remain calm and be sure to locate the exit that's closest to you.

[scary ambience]

It's healthy to be in touch with your emotions, so feel free to laugh, cheer, gasp, or cry alongside of the episodes. We love to hear your enthusiasm!

Golf Ball: Yes, BUT please keep your reactions at a reasonable volume so that they do not drown out the episodes! It ruins the theatre-going expirience for everyone else!

Everyone: SHH! SO RUDE! [thumbs down]

Golf Ball: To demonstrate the proper behaviour, let's see a reactionary-expert in action!

Firey: Congratulations, Lewis! You're the winner of BFDIA!

David: aw! [thumbs up]

Candle: We thank you for taking time to listen to these important guidelines.

Golf Ball: Everyone here has passed their Theatre Etiquette training and is now fully certified! Perhaps if you come back later, you can get your master's!

Candle: [giggles] with all that in mind, we hope you enjoy the show!

[outro]