I feel like shit, I feel like a fat bitch who cant do anything, everytime I try and do something I fail... working out? fail, eating right? fail, I feel digusted with myself .I hate it, I imagine myself my ideal body but I do nothing to achieve it, I hate it, I've walked 6 miles two days in a row. not enough, i eat less, not enough, I know it takes time, but I still feel worthless, useless, fat, dumb, stupid. I try and change, I want to live my life as me, not as who I am now, I want to stop pretending I'm fine with the bars of my own prison, I need to start now, the more I put it off the worse I'll be, the more I say I'll do it later, the less I do it, the more I say "one more" the worse I end up, I hate my body, all of it, the only goddamm part about I fucking like is the one part that is me, and no-one can fucking see that part (brain) I'm too fucking self concious, I care about what people think of me to fucking much, i hate it, myself, but nobody else, even the ones who hurt me, used me, I still say sorry as if its my fault, even people who have made me almost kill myself, I still want to say sorry to them, I'm disgusting, even people who ruined my life, destroyed me, I still say sorry, even if I've done nothing wrong, sorry is all I can say, I can tell you all the times I've said that I've wanted to be abused, because I have, I've said it a lot, but when I was abused? treated like an object? I was scared and asked for help, but even after, I wanted to be abused, hurt, treated like an object, because I was worthless, I was just a tool for others pleasure, doesn't matter if I hurt someone else, if it pleases someone I did it, I cheated a lot on many different people then, I was just a slut, the common whore, and now? I may be different, but I'm still the same self hating, self insulting bitch. someone who puts their needs last... the main reason I try and help others is that it prevents others from being used, I've seen people come and go, I've almost died twice, I learned nothing from them, I feel worthless, like I'm that same person I was a year ago even though I'm not. I feel stuck, empty, I dont know what to do...