...Wasn't a good year, truthfully!

Allow me to speak my mind just a fair bit - if you allow me, of course. This doesn't come out of nowhere! And I promise this ends with a good note.

I apologize if this is stupid to anyone reading this.

To Preface, a lot of people assume I make everything about my work, so let me toss all that aside for a second to speak my mind about a few things that have been plaguing me, for better or worse. Especially with all these posts and whatnot reflecting on the good side of it.

I've come to terms with how a lot of things are now - all of it is, by all means, a fault of my own. I've let my paranoia and cynicism control me for a very, very long time now.. as horrible as that is to admit. I've thought I gotten better, but my brain has been hardwired to expect the worse, and if it doesn't happen? To make it happen by all means. Either that be pushing people away, saying dumb things I don't mean, all the usual stuff that comes with that, really.

Truthfully, between you and me here, I shouldn't really have what I have. A lot of the time it feels like the success I've earned isn't deserved at all. People will say otherwise- I expect them to, realistically this is coming out of nowhere to a lot of people. But I much rather be honest about how I feel than keep it bottled up, even if it results in a worser outcome.

I've hurt a lot of people, and I don't want to continue to do that anymore. Even through means of protecting myself - I don't want to continue to appear as a hostile entity to anyone anymore. People will have their doubts- I even expect some people who I want to read this to tell me to piss off or whatever, but I rather muster what courage I have to at least say what I feel from my mind, rather than my heart.

So, going into 2026, I want to stop this skepticism mindset I've dug myself into and just allow the friendships I have now to fully blossom. Frankly, this is easier said than done but I've come to learn every day it gets a little bit easier. You have to just keep trying, that's something I try to tell myself every day I live and breathe.

I feel a healthy first step, as obvious as this is, is to simply make my issues known. To say "I have a problem" and to work on it! I feel a little bit relaxed actually being able to convey my thoughts here after so long of being bitter and hiding away to let the bad ones fester (that isn't to say bad thoughts aren't natural, that makes us human after all).

To be honest though, this is not an easy road. My own bitterness has lead me to one of the stupidest choices in regards to my projects I've ever made in my life, simply to get back at something someone took from me a long time ago.. and I realize how stupid that is now. Though as I'm sure will not be surprising to anybody anytime soon - it isn't going away. Even though it was created for a selfish reason, it has become so much more than I could dream of, and I care so very deeply about it as does everyone else aiding in its production.

However that may be the case, everything seems to be working out just fine so far, so I'd like to keep that pace going into the new year. Even if its with fewer connections than I had going into the start of this year! If I can keep pushing through this even if it feels the entire world is crashing in on me, then I'm sure you can too!

In ANY case, not everything was bad! And I want to reflect on that by letting it be known that I am eternally grateful for the community I've built up- to still be thriving today, against all known odds. The dedication and creativity is something I never take for granted, no matter how many people try to convince me otherwise.

And though I cannot name everyone, there's a handful of friends I'd like to thank who helped make this year just a little bit easier to get through, so thanks to @amnotdonut , @kitifulnines , @ArtyDoesStuff , @RydenW , @RTWMEL , @RAD1OSILENC3D, @mhbleedingheart , @StormSketches , @HaloGraphic , @Supernatural_er, @Evilfatbunny, @viscerveil, @CRACKED_UP_JEDI , @Kry , @Clubbo , @WaningLucidity , @Genderjoltron , @useraqua , @NolandSpring , @ImSyren, @shopkeeper , @rr0cknr0ll , @etQuriedo, @RustyRed , @Vampymatsu , @Marco_Antonio , @TheOneWithDoggo , @OVDRStudios , and many, many more people I probably can't remember!

(A lot of these are Twitter links, sorry if I mentioned someone by mistake!)

..And yeah, also a good thing is I got the Creator Badge! That too! I don't want to forget that haha, but that was certainly one of the more notable things. I can't believe I almost forgot about it...

In any case, wow! That's a lot of damn feelings! That's lame, though. I'm never doing that again! I won't be repeating myself, since I don't want to continue that habit, so I'm just going to end the post here. Hopefully some people can make some sense of this!

Here's to a better 2026, from my own to yours.

Lots of love,

• FazieFunbear