These last few days have been pretty rough, both online and in real life, on me, just because of the way I am. I've disappointed some, lost a friend because of me always being selfish. It's just been a lot and about time I made things clear.

It's a common thing on my account or just talking to me, that I'm self-deprecating a lot. It's usually because I know I can do better but just end up shitty or try to treat my friends better but then I make the same mistakes again.

Being 100% genuine and not saying some sappy bullshit, I just never got why people liked me, maybe it's just the way I'm wired, or maybe I'm doing something that I wouldn't think is a positive trait, because in retrospect I treat everyone the same, even if they're my partner. Sometimes I show a side of myself that only my closest friends know and sometimes I'm scared that if I open up too much then I'll get treated differently.

I like talking shit about myself because in all honesty I really ain't got shit to lose and I never liked the whole "people care about you" NO TF THEY DONT . If a person cared about me would they bully me till stopped doing something I like TWICE, does someone who cares about you get mad at you over dumb shit, does someone who cares about you look you dead in the fucking eyes and tell you that you were never important, does someone not know fucking boundaries, that they willingly "attempt" just to force you into something that you never wanted to do? No, and if it wasn't for one thing, I'd rather be alone.