Hey, uh, it's been a minute. A long one, and during that time I've been doing a lot of self reflection not only with the help of my family, but people I also considered antagonists for one reason or another. More specifically, I've been reflecting on the situation regarding me and PoisonousPastels/Rose/ShadowToyChica. Today I got to have a very necessary talk with him to clear the air, and it certainly got cleared. I've made a mistake, a very deep one.

This whole situation is just messed up, I hate where things have been heading regarding it and it should've never got to this point. This could have been resolved a year ago, but I personally never actually made the effort and chose to put it off whether it was out of anxiety, anger, spite, or all three. I have said and done a lot of things I can't undo, I got involved in situations I had no right being apart of, I dodged my fault for a lot of things that were ultimately on me misunderstanding or not, I pinned things that were not his fault on him purely based on what other people were telling me at the time, I witnessed people uncover stuff that should have been left buried and forgotten about, even if I didn't have a part in doing so I still let it happen and I could have prevented it, I was blinded by anger and the only thing that was on my mind was what he had done wrong and the mistakes he had made, without taking my own mistakes into account and accepting that responsibility. I'm obviously not going to say everything was my fault, but a good chunk of it was and I can't undo the damage my anxiety and recklessness has caused both in terms of a mental aspect as well as an online aspect to him and a lot of the people around him.

My Godmother told me that the real way to fix things is kindness and not anger, and I've let anger control all of my actions for the past year. I'm ready to take accountability for that, and in doing so I need to mention two specific things:

- One of the big ordeals was that of Riley's (Rose's GF's) past being uncovered, that was seriously inappropriate and given the fact that I understand her history with the things she was manipulated to create when she was younger. People tried to argue about when the drawings were created, their current relevancy to her as a human being now, and all kinds of other semantics, and I almost let it get the better of me and the rage I had built up over time. That's when I realized this had gone too far. That kind of situation is way too volatile and dangerous and is an extremely delicate matter, and it wasn't handled with any respect towards Riley by the people who uncovered it. I didn't stop them sooner, yet it was entirely within my power to do so. If I had a second thought about it I would not have let the people in charge of the documents include those things as they are not relevant to who Riley is as a person compared to who she was when she was 16-17, and I don't think it's fair to judge her for drawings she was manipulated into creating when she was a minor.

- Rose's SA/Extortion situation, it wasn't my business. It's an extremely messy and delicate matter, I formed my opinion fully based on what one person had told me at the time and rage did the rest given I already had a bias against Rose because of previous matters. It wasn't my place to go anywhere near that subject, and I may not have the full facts but given the one fact I do know for sure is that Rose was my friend and I took someone else's word before his over something that involves his personal safety, I shouldn't have done that and in no world was that okay. I never meant to endorse the actions, and I would never in a million years put someone else or anger issues as a priority over that kind of thing, my disbelief was a result of what other people had fed me through the grapevine but that doesn't excuse the actions themselves. That was my worst mistake in this situation, and I'll never let that kind of anger sway my actions on a delicate situation like that again. It was a complete misstep. Add on top of that, the extortion claim was clarified to me and there's evidence to suggest that the involved parties were not under stress sending the payments, often adding jokey comments to the transactions all the way up until last September before the most recent transaction. This would not happen if the people involved were intimidated in any way, and the comments had been noticeably scrubbed from the images we were provided initially. As a result, I'm only left to presume that there's obviously more to the story than I had initially thought.

That all being said, that's pretty much it. Me and Rose are on equal ground now, at least as equal as we can be after a year long flame war that could've been solved in a few days at most. I do not endorse anybody going after him, his girlfriend, or anybody else involved or affected by what has transpired the past year, and I know he wishes the same for me and the people around me. Every document on both sides has been made inaccessible, and we will not be promoting them further. I will personally see to that on my end, if there's anything I can be doing to heal things then you can bet that I'll be on it like clockwork. I have a lot of mending to be doing with certain groups.

What does this mean for my involvement in this community going forward? I really couldn't tell you, as much as I would love to continue working on things I need to focus on the people around me first and foremost as well as continuing to try and better myself, as well as helping others involved in the situation to not keep making the same mistakes me and many others have. I'd like to think there's a future for me online, maybe even on this website with this account, but that's not my primary focus. I know some people have their opinions about me, and no matter what I do I'll never sway those opinions, and that's okay. Everyone has an audience that's waiting for them, and maybe one day I'll find it, or they'll find me. Either way, whatever I do next, it'll be with working to assume the best of people rather than constantly assuming the worst like I had been. It's too easy to get dragged down into that negativity, and what I thought was avoiding it turned out to plague me for the better part of an entire year. I just hope that with these realizations I can finally put this behind me alongside everyone else, and who knows, maybe there'll be a bright future waiting for all of us.

I don't know when I'll be posting again, but if you're willing to stick around to see who I become within that time frame, I'd highly appreciate it. Thank you to those of you who have stuck by me, and thank you to the people who were willing to let me work through my emotions. I can be a complete mess, I understand that loud and clear now, and I'm going to try to let my emotions dictate my actions a lot less going forward. Only time will tell, but I'm optimistic.