Nocturnal Creatures VS. Average Americans

He closed the book, placed it on the table, and finally, decided to walk through the door. 

“Alright, im gonna get that thing” said Tam, standing confidently.

“Get what thing?” responded his friend Comnir.

“The bat thing!” Tam rolled his eyes and grabbed a broom leaning on the porch. Comnir inspected the book.

“Nocturnal creatures VS. The average american?” He read out loud.

“Yeah, check out chapter 3.”

“So you’ve been invaded by racoons?”

“No, chapter 4”

“Bat Broom Combat?”

“Yeah!”

Comnir set down the book and asked “So what kind of bat is this?”

“I can deduce because of its eating habits, we are dealing with the standard every-night fruitbat!”

“So it ate your fruit?”

“My BANANA actually!”

“Wow, if a bat ate my banana I'd be pretty angry too.”

“I know right! I wish it was a vampire bat so it would just drink my goats, I wouldn't need to worry about that!”

“You have goats?”

“No, that's the point”

Tam shouldered his broom like a British soldier would a rifle and walked away from the door.

“Why are you going over there? The bat’s that way, dummy!” shouted Comnir.

Tam plucked an apple from a tree and shined it on his shirt before returning to the front porch.

“Bait?”

“Exactly!”

Tam slipped through the front door and started patrolling the dark house.

“See anything?” whispered Comnir through the door.

“No, its pitch black” whispered back Tam, “I wish I had that echolocation stuff”

“What makes bats able to do that?”

“I think it has something to do with their throats being evolved to only eat fruit or something”

“What about vampire bats?”

“They just turn into Dracula if they need to see things!”

“Oh, of course” Comnir said genuinely as he isn’t the smartest echo in the location.

“Quee! Quee!” said the bat as it flew down the hall. Tam assumed a combative stance as he slinked over to where the bat was. He then tried his best to survey the environment which didn't reveal anything other than black void. He slipped the apple onto the floor and waited for a bite.

The bat, within 5 seconds swooped in and grabbed the apple. It was however really dark so Tam just stood there with the broom over his head,like an idiot.

“Any luck?” whispered Comnir.

“No” responded Tam, walking back to the door, defeated. He opened the door wide and stepped outside with Comnir.

“Did you find the bat?”

“No, maybe we should read the next chapter.”

“Skunk perfume?”

“Maybe we should not read the next chapter.”

The boys stood on the porch flipping pages as a dark figure dashed between them.

“Quee! Quee!” spoke the bat, which roughly translated as “thanks for the meal, dorks!”

“Was that the bat?” asked Comnir.

“I think so, I should start a bat hotel. I seem to be good at tending to them.”

“So are you getting a goat?”

“I don't see why not!”

THE END