You may know me as a "femboy" or otherwise more feminine, i up until recently was like that due to past things that made me belive i was only loved bc of that and due to my subbmisiveness and willingness to do anything, awhile ago i got back onto discord where i engaged in some very NSFW things with alot of people, multiple people hurt me and i hurt myself alot, i trapped myself in my room watching gore and porn while engaging in NSFW roleplays and Talks, i rarely talk about that time becuase it scares me, i let myself be hurt becuase and i quote "i need to become more broken, becuase once im broken, no-one will want to hurt me" i tried commiting suicide twice during that 2 month long period, ive never allowed myself to be me always forcing me to be what others want due to this and many other factors, ive been a porn addict for over 6 years up until about 19 days ago, ive ruined my life and others, ive chosen to forget my past but recently my brain is vividly replay images of what i did/what ive seen, im mentaly stable enough to where i can stay fine, and such but it is hurting to remeber and im relizing now i can be me without having to constrain to such standereds, ive neglected myself for others for years, hiding every emotion so no-one knew, this isnt a vent post this is just me speaking into the world, there are two people id like to mention in this post that helped me alot and more id like to say sorry to but i wont mention due to them (i will obfuscate their name) most definitly being pissed at me; @SoulSunrise You have been for me even when i hurt you, you have loved me and still do without end, you are the one person i plan to spend my life with, i thank you for everything youve done for me.

@Asds751 You cared about me when i was self-destructing and when i didnt deserve it, you helped me stay "afloat" when i was sinking

@!3* im sorry that ive hurt you, i was mentaly unwell at the time and made dumb decisions, i know you may never forgive me and thats fine, if anything im saying this so i know im sorry

Thats all i want out of this post, have a good night everyone