Hello everyone!

This will likely be the final personal series I write about DON’T GIVE UP! (unless it sees above average success). I thought a lot about doing an open letter about this, about the journey, about my REAL thoughts. I figured that if there was a time that I should be open about my feelings about working on this game for 3 years and my thoughts of its impending launch, it should be BEFORE the launch, as to not have my feelings at the time of this letter influenced by the results. This letter will be less about “DON’T GIVE UP is a great game and you should buy it!” and more, these are my fears and realities about my risk to be an indie dev.

DON’T GIVE UP was an absolute joy to work on. In fact, even doing it all over again, it’s the only game I probably would have wanted to work on if I’m honest. But let’s be real, this is mostly obvious in the fact that I ultimately finished it and all the effort I’ve made into putting it out there.

I think my game is wonderful. I also think I’ve earned the right to say that due to a combination of factors including the amount of time spent developing it, the fact that I didn’t cut any corners, feedback from conventions, and even implementing ALL of the noteworthy feedback from 2 live playtesting sessions. And yes, of course even if I didn’t feel that way I would probably not say anything bad about the game, but I genuinely feel it is something worthy of acknowledgement. That’s not to say that my game is ABOVE any of the other games that are also felt to be in this category, the reality is there’s not enough space at the top of the mountain for everyone to be a Braid or an Undertale, just like the world can’t have 1,000 Beyonces. But still, I wanted to be maybe 1 of 100. I feel like it’s good enough.

I also acknowledge the fact that I intentionally never revealed more than about a little over an hour of the game’s 8-9 hour playtime and this could have done me a small disservice. Why? I didn’t think it was necessary, the game centers itself around cultivated instanced conflicts, so giving away these in my opinion is too much of a spoiler for a narrative rich game. I offset this by offering a 40ish (in the early days an hour) minute demo so players could get a feel of the writing style and character fleshing. This was what was supposed to lure people in, that regardless of whatever adventure or twists the main character would find himself in, it would be entertaining. In my opinion, keeping the story under wraps was more me being true to the fans who have waited so long than desperately trying to reel in new attention by overspoiling.

Over the past week I’ve found myself in a REALLY REALLY strange place. For the past 3 years, every time I’ve woken up I’ve had purpose in the form of DON’T GIVE UP. Even if I was only going to work on it for 30 minutes to an hour, it was still progress on my road. I started working on DON’T GIVE UP while I was transferring out of my depression, so since then it’s the only thing that’s been remotely like a path with a destination in my life, and now I’m losing that. It’s scary. I don’t know what the next thing is for me, but how DON’T GIVE UP does in its launch month will scarily determine a lot of what’s possible. I think even if I sold 5K copies that would probably be encouraging enough to go on to do more projects in the future. 5,000 people across THE WORLD doesn’t seem like a lot, but trust me, for a first time indie dev who hasn’t gotten the visibility they’d hoped for it feels like an insurmountable peak.

My game is an RPG, a carefully put together, over 300 pages of dialogue charm packed journey. For this reason, I think there’s a real possibility that people won’t discover it’s magic until it’s played in full. This could go two ways; the likely way where it fades into obscurity, OR the less likely way where people are so shocked by this hidden gem they have to tell their friends about it. And I’m ALL for cult success, and part of me is hoping for a progressive fire rather than a spontaneous blaze.

I’ve never really cared about being as famous as other indie break out hits, not for money anyway. As someone who is often conflicted with finding fulfillment in life I can tell you material things really don’t populate that void for me. Sure I’d love to be able to have the latest gadgets, but to me, those are the things I think I SHOULD have as someone who takes inspiration from other games and uses it as my main leisure activity. I consider that almost similar to a necessity for a creative/software developer, unlike let’s say, jewelry or a yacht.

The other day I discovered a two part let’s play of the extended demo and I was really floored. The channel had less than 2k subscribers I believe, but I watched the video and I was hooked on playthrough. The person playing had REALLY connected with my characters. The facial expressions were genuine, and hearing them say a few times how they hoped the demo they were playing was longer than the previous made me grin. It was just one person playing the demo of my game but I felt I had achieved what I set out to do. I turned these silly little pixel characters into something that felt real enough for someone to actually be invested in. I did it. And that’s what I want more than money, to do that to hundreds, no thousands, MILLIONS of people across the world. It’s still of course ambitious, and maybe even a little bit arrogant but at least it isn’t motivated by anything materialistic right?

Maybe I’m rambling, but also maybe that’s the best way I can convey all these emotions. This all feels so uncertain, I usually have trouble sleeping, but this past week 4 days before launch it has been insane. I’m more tired than I’ve been in a long time and I’m not even doing any work on DON’T GIVE UP anymore, I’m actually just spending most of my days killing time the best I can if that gives you an idea of the unrest in me. After 3 years in just a few days my game WILL have a set level of financial success whether that’s the criteria for success that I ultimately go with to value my game, it WILL exist, and I WILL need those proceeds if I hope to go on. So, it will affect me, definitely, I’m just not quite sure how yet.

When I put EVERYTHING on a scale, now before launch and ask myself, if this goes belly up, would I have rather spent 3 years doing something else? No. While the corporate world may not see it, DON’T GIVE UP was a lot of responsibility, and took a lot of talent and commitment than I think it would have taken to do almost anything else on my radar. Especially since I did this out of passion and not because there was a tangible reward at the end of it that was guaranteed (like a degree). I’ve evolved and made something great that no one can take from me now, or devalue. I can earn a degree and be rejected for jobs, but no one can say I didn’t take hold of my life to create something I wanted to create.

And that’s pretty awesome.