Night 1: Hey dude. It's me, the coolest phone guy ever. I'm here to tell you how to survive and shit. So welcome to Spooky Alexfancypants' Spook Spook Emporium Scary Alex Fife Nites. We took animatronics from Alexfancypants' restaurants that have either been thrown in the dumpster or bought them from the Alexfancypants' shit auction. Now, these animatronics are not activated yet cause our only technician has constipated diarrhea meaning that he is constipated and has explosive diarrhea at the same time and cant repair them so you can just chill out for tonight. Oh yeah by the way, the wires here are very sensitive to people sticking their dicks in the no sticking your dick here hole so be aware to not stick your dick in the no sticking your dick here hole. Don't ask me how that works but don't stick your dick in there. Ok goodbye and goodnight from your favorite phone guy in the series.

Night 2: Hi dude, did you stick your dick into those wires? The big boss and I checked the wires and noticed that it smelled super bad as if someone who hasn't taken a shower in weeks stuck their dick in there and you kinda smell like you don't take showers that often. Just curious btw but like I said last night, please don't do that again. Uh anyways, we got a new technician and he was able to get an animatronic only known as "Gold" working and he said something smelled off about the animatronic itself, like it was burned and there was a rotting corpse of a serial killer in there. Don't know about the serial killer part but if you do see something strange, stop what your doing, run around in circles, and cry for your mommy... or use the taser we left in your office or the vent seals, I guess that would also work. Anyways, goodbye, and don't stick your dick in that hole again.

Night 3: Dude, why the hell would-actually no, why the FUCK would you stick your gross ugly fried as fuck dick inside of that? You know what your doing is fucked up when the coolest phone guy is telling you not to do that. The boss talked to me and said if you did that more times, he would come over to your house and cut your dick off with garden pliers and he made sure to tell me that this isn't a fucking threat, he will do it and I think you want future children so DONT do that. You understand? I mean like doesn't that make you hallucinate like ghost figures of like the animatronics here but they like mess with your stuff in the office somehow and you regret your life choices? Anyways, the technician who had constipated diarrhea finally got cured and fixed up the animatronics known as Alex and an animatronic that seemed to be scrapped but the technician restored it called Hank. I don't think the taser will work on Hank since he seems newer which sucks for you. Yeah you heard me right, sucks for you, dingus. Fuck you, haha. I guess hide in that rusty locker behind you but I don't think it would be best for you to stay in there for too long since it is kinda old and there's probably stuff in there that can stop you from breathing but you do stick your dick in that hole with wires so it seems like you want to die or something. Alex wants to stay as a shadow in the dark and doesn't want to be noticed so when he walks in view of that big ass window in your office, either go into the locker or keep one of your panels open. And yes, you have a maintenance panel but you play enough FNAF 3 games to know that. Wait, how do I even know that the animatronics move? I should be clueless about that. My bad. Goodnight

Night 4: Oh my fucking god dude, that hole in the wall is NOT a sex toy! How many times do we have to tell you this, gooner? NO STICKING YOUR GROSS UGLY SMALL ASS DICK INTO THAT FUCKING WHOLE AGAIN! This sticking your dick in the hole thing HAS to stop right here. Your gonna make the whole place catch on fire or something! STOP IT! I guess I do have to tell you what new animatronics are here to help you not die even though you clearly want to die or something. So we recovered 3 more animatronics this time. They are the rest of Hanks family. The wife, Susan, basically shares that whole taser thing I mentioned on night 2 with that "Gold" guy but the 2 other kids, Ben and Fruity, go into the vents but at the same time so uh deal with the one who looks like they are going to attack first. Ok I got to tell you something. Ok so listen here: This whole operation is actually illegal because we didn't get permission from the copyright holders to use these animatronics so this is like a bootleg attraction but don't tell anyone cause we don't want to get sued. You got that? Goodnight

Night 5: I SWEAR TO GOD DUDE, YOU ARE ADDICTED OR SOMETHING! THIS IS LIKE THE 4TH TIME YOU DID THIS IN A ROW! HOW IS YOUR DICK NOT BURNED OFF OR SOMETHING?!!!?!?!?!? The only reason we haven't fired you is because we don't have any replacement night guards. If that happens like, 2 more times, the whole place could burn down. There is 1 more animatronic called Topher Funker. I honestly wouldn't do anything to aggravate him and would let him into the office cause he seems chill. If he is angry he might kill you. Goodbye but remember what I told you on night 3.

Night 6: ...Why? I TOLD YOU MULTIPLE TIMES!!!!! THE PLACE IS 1 DICK STICK FROM CATCHING FIRE COMPLETELY! AFTER THIS NIGHT, THE BOSS IS GOING TO CUT YOUR FUCKING DICK OFF! WHY WOULD YOU WANT THIS!?!?!??!?!?!?!? *sigh* I guess I still have to tell you to survive so there's no more animatronics tonight which gives me more time to say FUCK YOU! DUDE I WAS MEANT TO BE FUNNY BUT YOU RUINED THAT! YOU ARE RUINING YOUR DICK FOR NO REASON BUT I GUESS THAT SEEING SHIT LIKE YOUR DICK GET BURNED IS FUNNY TO YOU! IT'S NOT! YOU DISOBEYED THE RULE OF 3! WHAT WERE YOU EVEN THINKING!?!?!?!?!?!? You know what, I don't care anymore. Just destroy the whole damn thing if you want since you are clearly high or something. Fuck you. I have no idea what is wrong with you.

Aftermath: *Channel 740 news* Some fucking horror attraction has caught on fire. Some guy was pulled out of it but he is dead. There's nothing else to report. Let's talk about something more interesting