no matter what i do, it's like there is something pushing me back

when i draw digitally, with pen, with shape tools, hell even scratch vector art, it's like i'm forced to stop and give up

honestly i don't think i can draw with a computer mouse anymore, i'm just good with a pencil and paper

if only one person didn't say "You'll never improve" which still lingers in my head to this very day, i would have happliy draw forever, but instead one person who couldn't just leave me alone after i did a horrible mistake, just wanted me gone, poof, no proof of existence that i existed on the internet, they stalked me every now and then, took screenshots of me and just wouldn't leave me alone

so to that person who owns a funny sexualized fnati mickey oc with big squidward looking ah thighs (you know who you are)

"Congratu-fucking-lations you have fucking ruined me both artfully and mentally, because of you,i no longer feel safe and happy, all i did was a mistake, and yet you couldn't leave me alone, you just wanted to see me suffer in the worst possible way and wanted my life to be even more miserable than it already fucking is, so go on, go outside and have a slice of fucking cake, you have finally pissed me off so hard that i quit drawing, all because you highly doubt i would even improve, so fuck you and i'm not sorry for it, are you fucking happy? i bet you are, the copium overdose is fucking over, and if you are still stalking me and collecting screenshots to add it to update that old document, i highly advise you to fuck off, i highly doubt you'll even see this message nor i think that you are working on that copium overdose expose document, but at least you got one job done and that is you made my life more fucking miserable, that it already is, i hope you are fucking happy you fucking idiot, even if you take back those words, it's too fucking late, i'm already ruined and broken, because of you, so fuck you and i'll never fucking miss you"

and no i won't talk about the situation, i already spoke it with some friends of mine and i won't share it others and that's it

i'm not sure what i will do with my game projects, but it seems i can't do anything about it, every day my artstyle gets worse and worse

for those who are curious, here is what my artstyle looked like before...

2025 October

2025 november

2025 december

2026 Januray

2026 march

2026 april (by the time i'm writing this)

the last thing i have recently drawn today (written on april 20th 2026)

as you can clearly see, my artstyle at first went from decent to good and now it's back to square one

i have suffered alot in digital art and now?

it's about time i let it go... i'm not an artist, i'm just a guy who just... doodles...

i'm sorry for becoming more and more pointless...

i couldn't entertain you all, and now i can't do anything as my purpose fades more and more...

to the point it's nothing but pitch black... and there's no light nor vision...