I'm... not supposed to be on Game Jolt. Not exclusively right now, but in general. I haven't been told that I can't use the site, but the reason I don't have Discord or Twitter is because... well, I did.

Prior to joining Game Jolt, I was a lot worse of a person. I did indeed have Discord and Twitter, but I did some pretty nasty schnoz from 2021-2022. And in March of 2022, I got caught. Of course, my privileges to do anything were taken away, because I was not supposed to be using Discord or Twitter.

And as you already know, Game Jolt is like both Discord and Twitter.

If the smallest thing leaks out about me using Game Jolt to my parents, it's all over. I may never have an opportunity to use an electronic device for personal reasons ever again. Because this is far from my first offense.

As such, I don't want to just outright tell them how I want to express myself, as the answer I got the first time around when I was trying to explain that I felt trans (prior to joining Game Jolt) was that "I haven't been anywhere" or "I haven't experienced anything".

It's just so frustrating to know that I can't do anything irl to express my gender identity for the time being. I can't even do simple stuff like buy my own clothes yet. And who knows how long it will take until I can comfortably express my identity in the real world? Game Jolt would have died by then, I think.

Look, I don't know how else to say this. I don't know want to do. I'm honestly way more concerned about being caught on Game Jolt than anything, because how am I going to explain all of this? I would beg and plead for them to let me stay, because I've met so many amazing friends here, but I just know they would never let me.

I feel like I want to cry. This would never work out. I know they want to keep me safe, I know they're trying to help me, but... I really want this. Just this once, to have easy communication with people I share interests with. I am incredibly introverted, so making friends irl is not easy. That's why I wanted to make so many friends on Game Jolt. All you have to do is text a bit and boom, you've made a new friend. It's way easier than in real life!

I just... really don't want to go without it all. Again. I want to keep my stuff, but I also want to talk with others without having to leave my house. And I also want to express my gender identity, too! But my parents... they would never approve of either, because they think everyone is either a 50 year old man trying to get with children, a bad influence, or both.

So if I ever disappear for a long period of time, now you know why.