Hello everyone, this post is going to be different from usual, talking about what has happened to me for about 4 or 5 years, about my path in the development of fangames and about the stress, tiredness and damage it caused me physically and emotionally in a summarized bible.

When I started my career as a game developer, I was inexperienced but quite motivated to do things for fun rather than work.

I used to develop games in Scratch before moving to Clickteam and creating Take a Fruit and The Cube Game, games that took me a few months to make with little experience but were fun.

I am currently working on The Monitor Man, which I will keep secret until some important change, as well as other personal projects that I have not yet shown and am developing with a lot of love and effort.

I really enjoy creating games; it makes me forget the outside world, and it used to be comforting, productive, and relaxing. I loved what I did; it made me feel good, and above all, being part of the fangame teams I worked on, initially with Welcome to Mawin's, Manoras Pizzeria, Jolly 2 Reload, and Honeyland, was something I thoroughly enjoyed.

I secretly worked on what could have been great fangames; they were supposed to be revealed to the public at some point, and I was excited to show off my talent. Unfortunately, sometimes that never happened. Why?

This is a case that has more aspects than I thought, so I'll get straight to the point with some of them.

1. I expected that within a team there would sometimes be fights, or that there would be someone who didn't agree with everyone and caused conflict within the team, because I had heard that about some cases of projects that ended up being canceled, but after experiencing and being part of some projects that ended badly, you will sometimes find toxic, annoying or harassing people, egocentric, narcissistic and... a long list within a team to summarize, although not all teams were like that.

I experienced these threats along with the team; they refused to help us or even understand our situation; they belittled the talent and work of both myself and the team. In some cases, they experienced something similar to what happened with Jolly 4, turning the work of passionate people into a professional work environment where no one benefits, least of all financially.

Some stole content from their personal projects or the work of someone within the project without credit, removing watermarks from their artists and passing it off as their own. Some projects were ruined when there was no communication with the team; they made decisions behind the team's back, and it ended up affecting everyone. There were times when the artists and developers had to finish something that normally took their time, giving a raw and horrible result that affected everyone.

This pattern repeated itself time and again with every promising project I joined; something that should have been volunteer work turned into suffering because of others, and sometimes because it felt like a dictatorship. Unfortunately, in this story, not many had a good ending, as no one escapes public scrutiny of their actions, whether they are project managers or members.

Some, upon being exposed, cancelled projects and withdrew, while others withdrew because the damage had already been done to the team; they had strived to deliver their best work and quality to the public for something that no longer has value or meaning.

It is regrettable and frustrating when all your work is thrown away, whether by people who do not know how to manage a team, lack responsibility, or because the team does not support each other.

2. On the other hand, directors aren't always given all the responsibility and blame for a canceled project. Some directly support their team with their experience and work alongside them to deliver quality. They acknowledge that it's their project and that they're doing it with the help of others. It's true that managing a project isn't easy, and you have to know how to manage it well (something I'm still learning). And while there are those who support and encourage the project and would like to contribute more to its development, there are also those who despise the work and receive criticism. The director, like those behind the scenes, is human and has their own difficulties. They lose motivation, feel emotionally drained, stressed, and tired, and hurtful or hateful comments don't help at all. Unfortunately, there are also people within the development team who harm others.

3. On the other hand, sometimes you find people who seem good, whom I saw as friends at the time. I shared moments with them, but when I really got to know them after they were exposed, I felt disappointed, disillusioned, betrayed. Sometimes I wanted to believe they weren't like that, especially not with me. I didn't want to lose them, even though it was inevitable they would show their true colors. There are few people you can trust online, and I preferred to be closed off. I wouldn't trust anyone anymore, nor would I empathize with them or start a friendship, because sooner or later you'll lose them.

That might explain my inactivity and exhaustion when it comes to producing quality content. Working on fangames lately was fun at first, but there were people and moments that made it a real hell and a horrible experience. I went from working on fangames for fun, out of passion and affection, to ending up hating working on them and hating what I loved doing most. Before I knew it, everything I did was more for work than for fun, constantly causing me emotional damage until it became physical. It's best not to go into details, but I had to take a break to recover and rediscover my love for what I do and do it well, regardless of the consequences.

4. This is a different, more personal side of things. When you're recognized for your work, you enjoy it; it motivates you to create more. People approach you to meet and chat, sometimes with people who share your interests, and you feel incredibly grateful to those who support you and admire your talent. But you also encounter the other side of things: people who make things difficult, as in this case. Sometimes they politely ask if I can work on their project and accept my answer, but there are also those who don't. It's mentally exhausting dealing with people who aren't mature enough to accept being told no or having their offer to work on their project rejected. Telling them you can't support their projects or accept a commission is a real drag. I've never treated people disrespectfully, nor have I ever been disrespectful, intentionally or unintentionally, because I don't like to be. And if I've ever hurt someone unintentionally, I'm deeply sorry.

They threatened me if I didn't do it, or sometimes they threw tantrums. Sometimes it was embarrassing or awkward, and some of them I couldn't motivate and didn't want to learn to model. That didn't make me feel good; it ruined my day. I even felt like a bad person, and now going online wasn't healthy or safe anymore. I saw a lot of exposure, drama, degenerate behavior, harassment, and a problematic situation for the FNAF community. All of this ended up disappointing me.

I've decided to end this and move on. I won't be involved in the development of fangames or other people's projects anymore, just to be clear. I know I'm still working on a few, but these will be the last. I'll give them my best effort until they're completed or canceled. I won't be as involved with the FNAF community as before. A person can enjoy their favorite franchise without being part of the community; it's optional and something that should be obvious to everyone (or maybe I'm wrong).

I don't want to be too negative in this post; it hasn't all been bad. I acknowledge that many people have supported me tremendously over the years, and I feel indebted to them. I also met people whose help and support I neither asked for nor expected, but who offered it to me; they helped me immensely, and I only hope to continue with them until the end.

I know that when this is published some people won't like me doing this at all, I understand, but this isn't a post about my complaints... (a little, yes), but a way to explain my retirement, my reasons, and to vent what I've been accumulating for years.

To be clear, I'm RETIRED. If I ever decide to return to fan game development, I'll do so on my own terms.

I will continue doing what I love most and I will surprise you all someday.

I love you all very much, goodbye.