I hate being genderfluid

It hurts I was born a woman and sometimes I love it, but sometimes I want to tear my vocal chords out, Rip my chest off, tear my hair out, sand my jaw down, and cut off pieces of myself, all to look like a boy. And it sucks, I cant imagine feeling that way all the time, and i know people who do, and it hurts that I have no solutions to it, idk I just wish I knew how to be happy with my body