The cool summer breeze makes me think of you;

The blue in your hair you had to cut out

for our senior year of marching band-

It makes me think of the marimba mallet calluses

that decorated your palms and how I felt them

when we held hands as a joke that one time…

I think of that tan Ford Focus you drove

to and from school when you turned seventeen,

and how I’d tried so hard for us to celebrate

your birthday at Anderson Orchard as we’d done

the year prior and how you had to speed-eat

that maple walnut fudge you couldn’t bring home because

your little brother was allergic to nuts.

I think of how attached you were to your phone

and how you’d get so scared when I got so sick,

but you always played it off as making fun of me.

I think of all of the pictures of us 

you might still have that I lost over time

and how I never apologized

until I couldn’t.

I think about the nightmares I have about you

crumpled in your can-crushed car

because you couldn’t just 

put your phone 

down while

driving.