I remember watching "life is beautiful", a film about a father, in Germany, at the peak of ww2, having to make stuff up to his son while they both go to an Concentration camp or whatever those things were called.

Its ironic, isnt it? To the child, "life is beautiful", but and for the father?

I remember studying suicides types in sociology, there were 4, but i wanna highlight one, the "selfish suicide", which's like, when a person kills themselves for something too trivial, or doesnt values their life, "exessive individualism", the book described it.

I think its interesting to observe how much our surroundings actually affect us, how society plays its role in our life and we interact with it.

Its difficult to explain the point of life, other than fearing death, when you come to think of it as the cycle it is, it honestly just feels small, and even now, i cant really tell with words what exactually is the meaning of life, because its not something unchangeable, everyone will have their why, and it might be different, but for someone lost, i think an good advice/motivation to keep going is that... Its easy to not want to take the challenge life is, because yes, its bad, its suffering, its x and y bad things, but if it wasnt all of this, what would really be the point of living?

Yknow that feeling when you 100% a game, and then youre left empty because now your so loved game has nothing new to offer you?that would be life without challenges.

Yes, its not easy to want to keep living, but what would you achieve if you did it? You may not change the world, but to the people that love you, that care about you, theyll feel the world change. Its like a snow ball, your loss can lead to other people also wanting to do it, and no, its not your fault, its just the normal human nature. Everyone has their own mind, thoughts, thats why you may be deeply sad right now and someone else is extremely happy.

The key is working on your mental health, and i mean it.

Ask yourself;

Is this voice in my head, telling me all of these bad things really true?

And btw, no, there's no secret formula to feeling better again, dopamine might get you high for some seconds but once its gone you'll be back to normal. Theres no magic in feeling joy again, you just need to re-understand your mind.

What's this aching thunder of thoughts trying to tell me?

How did it start?

Whats the root of this?

"But im tired of this"

Go to sleep then, listen to lofi or asmr or something that relaxes you, meditate, all of this is important, because life is not a simple game you can sell and make it dissapear. You cant turn it off, and fight these awful thoughts, even if they come louder.

Dont give up.

The reason you'll be missed is because you are important to people, be it on here or somewhere else, so please dont play with your life. Seek help, because the only person who can help you right now is you, and of course, a therapist

I know that typing might not help, but talk to a friend, or a relative, or someone you trust about it. The worst thing hou can do is bottle your emotions, because the bottle can break anytime, and it'll explode in the worst time possible.

Even if youre alone, know that your mere graceful presense changes the life of the ones you love. "How?", well, if you werent here they wouldnt be able to hear your beautiful voice, to see your beautiful eyes, and no one has rhe right to judge because our body is just a small percentage of who we are, what matters is the inside, and i know it sounds cliché, but take it to the heart, you speak with your body or with your whole soul?

Anyways, i wanna see y'all good, winning against your demons