I am sad basically all the time at this point, and even when I do feel happy somehow my body finds a way to work against me I haven't felt genuinely happy in so long and just recently I was starting to feel better but then out of literally no where my stomach hurts for the rest of the night to the point I couldnt do my work and then my mom got angry at me

I have chronic stomach pain and it has genuinely set me back so far in life , if I never had it in the first place I would've actually had friends and I would've been smart and I'd be in a healthy environment school wise but that didn't happen and ill always be an anxious fucking idiot

I want help and I want to be better but I can't open up to people because I'm so scared of bothering them I am not worth peoples time and I dont even know why anyone puts up with me at this point I want help but I always decline it and I cant blame people for not caring All of my friends have their own things their dealing with and I should be happy I am in a safe house but I just can't feel happy ever and im sick of it

I cannot feel genuine love for anybody because i just literally can not feel anymore, that probably sounds corny but it's been this way since 6th grade and I dont know whats wrong with me

There are people I care about and I would be destroyed if I lost them but i know its always just a matter of time before I do something wrong and we end up loosing each other My life would be better if I was just left alone because then I wouldn't be at risk of hurting other people

I am decaying mentally and physically I do not see myself as worth anything and I doubt anybody sees me as someone worth keeping around I've tried to kill myself before atleast 3 times ever since I discovered that was an option and it never worked and it's only made things worse I will never be anything better than weak

I am a sick and disgusting person and if I ever opened up even a little bit to anybody about how I genuinely felt they would leave me and I'd become the next "art drama" I am a desperate idiotic piece of shit and there is nothing in my life worth living for

Why did I have to turn out the way I am why couldn't I have been better Why do I have be so weird and why does anyone even bother talking to me I have repeated this in my head ever since it happened but I deserved to get groomed and I deserved to be manipulated It was all I was ever good for

This isn't my suicide letter I'm not gonna be dead tomorrow but I doubt I'm making it through 2026

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