I genuinely hate Christmas in general, like I get how it can be a fun time to see your family, but that relies on your family on both sides being good people. Like, most of my family are wonderful, but theres those VERY few ones that I'm forced to see that sort of ruins it. Idk if anybody else has this problem, I'm sure SOMEBODY does, but it gets so annoying having to see my dad.

EVERYTHING BELOW THIS IS PRETTY SENSITIVE AND COULD BE CONSIDERED A TRAUMA DUMP, CONTINUE AT YOUR OWN DISCRETION.

Like, I genuinely hate this, I'm already legally required to see my dad, and going to court about it could just make it worse for me. (and my mum for that matter).
He's better now, and I won't go into details about what he did but I will say this: It was nothing physical.

To put it basically, he made out my mum to be a horrible person, told me about things that I should not know (I was FIVE to ten at the time, and he was telling me about the fucking world ending, and that ended up with me having a panic attack, then telling me that death is basically just a black void, which ok, that is true, but you didn't need to tell a 5 year old that 'HEY, Y'KNOW THAT WHEN YOU DIE YOU'RE GONNA SPEND THE REST OF ETERNITY IN A BLACK ABYSS AND NEVER SEE YOUR LOVED ONES AGAIN?' like bro- you're 36, you SHOULD know what not to tell kids!)

I'm horrible with kids, absolutely fucking horrible, but at LEAST I don't tell them about horrific things and show them screamers. I've been told I'm 'over sensitive' for being freaked out by what my dad did, but still.

When I got diagnosed with autism, he blatantly told my mum, to her face that 'She's not autistic, she's just weird' and completely ignored my mum telling him that 'she can't climb trees because she has seizures and could fall out' and guess what happened? I almost fell out of a tree because I hada seizure. Along with that, I got sent to the ER because he (accidently) split the side of my head open with my glasses whilst doing those weird 'help backflips', all across here, causing me to have to get stiches, and when I cried he just said 'Get up' without two cares in the world. (It was because the side of my glasses, which had broken sides, dug into my side btw, still got a scar from it.)

I genuinely hate this man so much, he STILL doesn't understand why I don't like him, and as I said, I'm not going through the fucking decade worth of shit he did to me, because in al honesty, I don't feel like reliving that. I just felt like I needed to write this down because I don't have anybody to talk to right now, and I don't want to bother anybody specifically with my problems. I genuinely don't have any good memories with my dad, because I was ALWAYS super fucking anxious about him being him and flipping his shit at me, or being a cold asshole.

I'm so tired man, I feel like I need to write more but I don't want this to be too long. I hope you have a good day if you read this, or if you didn't read this.