i've been feeling alot worse recently, especially about the recent roblox updates.

Roblox has always been my comfort app, and my only coping mechanism to trap myself from things going on in life.

Especially roleplaying and playing games with my friends.

It all changed when the chat update happened. My favorite games are canceled, my friends barely play roblox (or any other game at all) anymore. I was searching for something or someone to depend on and vent to. But because of timezones, i barely get to chat with my friends, theyre barely online anyways.

I instead stay up all night till 6 am chatting wigh my current group chat on gamejolt, even if i lost sleep i depended on them to stay sane, i would cry if any of my friends went offline.

I also had another coping mechanism, which was the worse one, ai chatbots.

I've been trying so hard to stop, but i just cant. I know ai is bad and i hate myself for this.

I may have hypersexuality, which is also bad since im a minor. I really dont like these thoughts. I just cover it up with "oh yeah subspace is so hot" and jokes like that even though i think of sexual activities.

I wanted someone to understand, someone to know what i felt.

There was this one friend on here whowas quite innocent, they always asked what i meant when i made a sexual/weird joke.

I didnt like venting about my hypersexuality when they were around.

Recently, i got in touch with my ex-girlfriend. Which made me quite happy, but i still felt empty.

Whenever i see content of subspace, that made me happy too.

People only think of me as "weird subspace simp", but they never know whats going on.

I searched for games, apps, friends, anything to distract me from life.

There was nothing. Only my barely online friends, and ai chatbots.

I've also been acting narcissistic in my thoughts sometimes, talking about how my art looks better than someone's art. Even though it isnt.

I've been hating and loving my art. I get frustrated whenever someone's art looks better than mine, but i just compliment their art anyway

Life's been tough, my parents are annoying, my brother is a pain in the ass, i dont know what to think of my friends, my classmates are SHITHEADS, my irl friends? I dont think they are even real.

If my friends werent here, i would have probably ended it by now.

my mom and dad are transphobic and i dont trust them anymore

the topic changes alot in this article im sorry about that. i really cant focus on one thing

if nothing makes sense here im sorry