I know this makes me sound like a fucking edgelord who thinks he's cool as shit but I genuinely just CANNOT cry. within recent times, I've cried like once, MAYBE twice. and when I say recent I mean the past 1-2 years. I don't know why, but like I will sit there, have my heart ripped out and played with like a basketball by a show or movie, and just sit there, maybe I'll be on the verge of tears, but I never get there. Now this is gonna get a little dark here, so I'll put it under a spoiler (just slight mentions of death n' stuff)

It makes me wonder how I'll feel when someone close to me dies, will I cry? Will I sit there and silently mourn? I can't know until it happens, but I have a bit of a feeling that I might not. My grandma's recently been diagnosed with a rare incurable form of dementia, I didn't think the "well your relative has a rare incurable disease" thing would happen to me, but even when I was told, went over to their house, watched her struggle to say anything fully coherent, I didn't feel much other than: "Man, she's losing herself. That really sucks." no tears, just "well that stinks."

Anyway yeah end of random rant, I'll go back to your regularly scheduled #fuckyouphilspencer posting