I am so fucking upset with myself... I am fucking done with this shit.

I rarely post vents since I really don't like to show how I feel.. i find myself masking my emotions most of the time but I just really want to get this out of my chest..

Ever since I've been in this place for vacation something inside me kept telling me to fucking jump off to the water and DROWN.. and I have no idea why i feel like this... this feeling worsen up over the days and today I feel like actually doing it...

I have no idea why or what the heck is making me feel this way but it's seriously messing me up badly..

The thing is that i really don't want to open up to my parents and tell them: "mom.. dad.. i want to throw myself into the water and drown" just like that and make them freak out a bit too much... so i've tried to hint them about the whole thing for the past days... and it just seems to go unoticed...

I feel like a clown... like a whole fucking circus... I don't know what to do and it just gets more and more tempting to do it... I just hope this feeling goes away and things go back to normal...