it's unbelievable how easily everything in your life can change...

starting around 2021 or 2022 i was alone and in late 2022 i had to additionally be there for a certain someone.. both these factors wore me down emotionally to a point when i stopped caring and stopped believing that anything but pain awaits me, at that point i was deep in nihilism and self dislike, nobody ever saw this and nobody really cared enough to help, i was lonely and hopeless for years...

but then, around march to may 2025, i met her... at first it was just a kind girl really stubborn to help me, i rejected said help due to my experience in sacrificing your own emotional stability for another person and what effects it has on you.. but our friendship turned deep and we eventually became more.. we didn't know what we were, but we knew we were always there for each other..

and even though i was in such a gray and lonely place.. she managed to mostly fix my self-dislike, she and other factors managed to give me SOME hope, she managed to make me feel happy again.. at least sometimes, she managed to make me a bit less lonely

and i was always there for her too, and after a while.. we both started to believe that our feelings were no longer platonic, but likely romantic...

then we became a couple..

and the most shocking part, even though i don't feel a lot of things... she made me feel things i never felt before.. and she made me dream of the future, even though i always hated the future...

in just a couple of month.. she managed to fix a lot of mental issues in me... and best of all.. even though i'm a huge pessimist.. she gave me hope for the future.. and no matter how scary it seems.. or how high the chance is of my future being terrible.. i know one thing about the future.. and that is.. this future will be with her! and that alone makes all the future pain and suffering worth it and gives me my will to live back.. before her.. i was completely indifferent to life.. but with her... i have all reason to keep going and to keep fighting..

and even today.. i'm still thinking about a future with her so much..

i love you my princess ❤️