You can't find the words․ You don't tell people‚ because when you do‚ because you can't find those words they don't believe you․․ Then they leave you. I shouldn't have said a word․ I should have known‚ learned‚ it never ends well․ Is this just a worm in my brain traveling though infinitely stretching soil faster then I can crawl through? Or am I the worm and every time I break through the soil I ruin THEIR life? Rip away the friends THEY made? Sitting and waiting‚ watching my life yet I can not breath‚ I can only watch as it falls to pieces․ When I finally break free I'm left to pick it all up, what do I gain from making this up!? This has ruined countless friendships and hurt me in more ways then I could possibly forsee! This stretchs too the end of my life I know it. I can't avoid it, every time I think I'm finally free and trust someone with the knowledge they never believe me and cycle repeats. Over. And over. And Over. It's always there yet I can't see it, can't feel it till it hits me where it hurts the most. Constant dread waiting for me to suddenly no longer be myself. I cant described what it looks like because it cant have a comprehensible form, I can only watch as it poses as me and replaces me only to leave me with it's mistakes. My memory a shattered hall of mirrors because I will never know when I'm me or the void lied into believing it's me. I can't trust my own brain. what happened to me to make me like this? What hurt me to split my brain in two!? What hurt me to the point I locked those memories away from myself? When can I finally be confident that it won't come back!? When can I no longer have live in fear that I could suddenly be living a lie. How many more times will I be accused of lying? How many more times will I be scolded for this? How many times will I be cast out of a friend group for something completely out of my control!? WHEN WILL IT END!? When can I break the loop?