I don't know if I should write all this, but I need to get it out, otherwise I might not be able to do it later.

I hate holidays, any kind. Every time, moments like these turn me inside out, but that's not what really broke me. The end of this year has been really...breaking for me, I don't know, but rather the events around me are breaking me just as much as the environment. I just want to talk it out, otherwise pouring my feelings into alcohol is not the most pleasant, but it's an effective way to numb it a bit. My advice: don't even try to cope with problems through alcohol or anything like that; it will only make things worse. I'm just tired and mentally broken. I just want to give up, get drunk, and die because of everything that's happening around me, and everything else, but I won't.

I just want to talk it out; I simply can't keep my thoughts to myself anymore. I wish you a good last few days of this year.

I want to hope that I will continue to try for you all.

(Thank you, Zian, for your help in writing this post, even though you won't see it)