so my dad finally knows about The Protomen.

a few days ago, my dad played the song Mr. Roboto by Styx, and I mentioned the cover by the protomen. he very clearly didn't like the idea of the cover when I mentioned it because he's so hard set that the original is better. and he kinda just ignored me about it, but I still wanted to play it for him

and I had been thinking about it for the past few days and well, when I woke up today I felt like ,,, yes. today is the day and I will play that song. I will play the protomen.

and today was absolutely shitty in general, my dad has been an asshole (mostly to my brother) this whole damn day. but on the way home, I finally played it, and oh my god this whole day I was so nervous for this?? like should I or should I not? what if it goes wrong. but then we went to a store and ironically they were playing Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins in that store, which the protomen did a cover of, and I was thinking about playing that cover too LITERALLY before we walked in there

So when we started driving again I played their cover of Mr Roboto, and. before the song even ENDED. LIKE NOT EVEN HALFWAY THROUGH. my dad straight up said 'I've heard enough.' in a tone that like. makes me turn into glass and immediately fall and break.

and so I played different music. and after that I felt and still feel like I've been stabbed 20 times in the chest with a fillet knife

his reaction was. just so.....wow.

and in addition he thought that the music itself was okay but the vocals he didn't like because its not the original. which, I get that, I prefer originals of some things too but like GOD

DAMN YOU

I WAITED THIS WHOLE DAY. PANICKED A LOT. FINALLY HAD ENOUGH BALLS TO DO IT AND it was basically what I expected. worse even.

I've been wanting to play songs by the protomen in front of him for SO LONG but I've been so afraid to do it and. what else should I have expected. and now I don't think its a good idea to let him hear Raul Panther ever again

so anyway afterwards he changed oingo boingo (what i played after cause I didn't really know what else to play and he likes them now) to DJ Keoki. and ironically, he happened to change it to specifically the song Sixteen Bit Suicide,

and may I say

this is a little off topic

but for months I've had constant reoccurring thoughts that long story short I wanna do the suicider

I'm a worthless piece of shit with no use, can't do anything, doesn't know how to do anything, and anything that I like is crushed to bits whether it be literally or figuratively All I am is 'decent' at my job and even that doesn't say much

I've very often recently ended up thinking about how my dad is basically just. abusive

and i. I really feel like nothing

not feeling even worth anything when it comes to my interests anymore

so what, you like capcom's old creation of a video game series. robots, netnavis, you're a bitch that has no use in life. a failure to your father because you know that you're still always gonna love it when you're an adult and that just makes you another one of the people that he hates. It's so hard to live with liking certain things or people around my family cause they've always gotta control everything and their own opinions are the only ones that matter. I know for SURE that if my dad ever saw Turbo Lover from the protomen, ESPECIALLY at any time he had long hair, my dad would call him the homo f slur. its so horrible too cause i love certain boys with longer hair like FUCK. you. AND RAUL PANTHER?? dad basically just insulted him as a whole today and I know exactly all the thoughts he's thinking and its all what I expected. I shouldn't have even done this

...anyway. I pathetically sat in silence a majority of the ride home pathetically trying to not cry and any time that I DID try to speak my dad IMMEDIATELY STARTED TALKING OVER ME.

♡ they call me Actually Dying ♡