Hi yall,

Today I have BBQ with my parents but... I don't wanna go outside and my sis won't come either cuz she is going to comic dub or smth to find a comic book that she like ig, I am lazy to go outside and Im not ready for seeing other ppls... Well Idk why yesterday I feel different and feel smth isn't right, so I actually want to stay home to feel that things again that is inside me.

I just wanna know what for feelings this is... Like I feel smth bad will happen... But I cannot stop it well... My mom and my teacher said that smth isn't right with me... So they asked me to go to the doctor.... Actually... I don't want to... I feel more like smth will more getting worser and I feel bad... About my friends... My parents... My school... And my old memories... I feel smth... Will happen so bad... I feel it in my heart... And I feel like it's gonna break... And then I will feel sad... Forever ig... Cuz I cannot teach myself... Or my parents and my friends... I feel hopeless all the time that I don't even know what to say or to do... I got and feels my punishment... Why I keep doing this... Hearing this... And seeing this... I was just... Nothing maybe? I was not enough... I want that my friends and my parents get a nice day, even the nice ppl here... But I change, I was a girl that ppl likes to talk and when I get a nightmare, I was out.

I don't know what it really says but smth like a dark will going after someone... And I don't want that, but I did that... But it was an accident... It was my fault, that's why I think I got my punishment.... But..... Idk still what the problem is... I am not sure that that is my problem... I just dunno.... Maybe I was just nothing... What do you guys think about me...? Actually...